Looking for a laugh to help you get over a bad relationship? Look no further! In this article, we’ve compiled 100 of the funniest quotes about bad relationships that are sure to make you chuckle. Whether you’re going through a breakup or just need a pick-me-up, these quotes will remind you that you’re not alone in your struggles with love and relationships. So sit back, relax, and get ready to laugh with these humorous and relatable quotes.
100 Funny Quotes About Bad Relationships
- “I thought it was a date, but apparently, it was just a group interview for the role of his therapist.”
- “I’m convinced that my date only invited me to dinner because they wanted to see how many appetizers I could eat.”
- “I knew it was going to be a bad date when they showed up wearing a t-shirt that said ‘I’m with stupid.'”
- “My date asked me what my favorite animal was. When I said ‘a sloth,’ they responded with ‘Oh, that’s great. I’m actually a cheetah.'”
- “I went on a date with someone who told me they only ate organic food. I had to explain to them that a Big Mac wasn’t a vegetable.”
- “I thought my date was going well until they told me they were legally obligated to inform me that they were a registered sex offender.”
- “My date asked me if I had any siblings. When I said yes, they replied with ‘Oh, that’s cool. I always wanted a brother in prison.'”
- “I knew it was going to be a bad date when my date showed up wearing a full clown costume.”
- “My date brought their mom along, and she spent the entire time critiquing my outfit.”
- “I went on a date with someone who claimed to be an alien from another planet. Turns out, they were just really into conspiracy theories.”
- “I thought I was meeting my date at a fancy restaurant, but it turned out to be a gas station with a deli attached.”
- “My date told me they were a magician and then proceeded to try to make the bill disappear.”
- “I went on a date with someone who was so afraid of germs that they brought their own plastic utensils to the restaurant.”
- “My date told me they were Olympic athletes. They didn’t specify which sport, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t one that actually existed.”
- “I went on a date with someone who spent the entire time talking about their ex. Their ex’s name? Alexa, because they were in love with their Amazon Echo.”
- “My date spent the entire time complaining about their job as a professional mime.”
- “I knew it was going to be a bad date when they showed up with a parrot on their shoulder.”
- “My date asked me if I wanted to go back to their place to watch a movie. When I got there, they only had VHS tapes.”
- “I went on a date with someone who kept insisting that we were soulmates because we had the same zodiac sign.”
- “My date showed up wearing a shirt that said ‘World’s Best Dad.’ They didn’t have any kids.”
- “Love is like a fart, if you have to force it, it’s probably crap.”
- “I wish I could turn back the clock. I’d find you sooner and love you longer. Just kidding, I’d still find you late and leave you early.”
- “I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?”
- “If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?”
- “I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times, just to be sure.”
- “My phone autocorrects ‘love’ to ‘live,’ so I guess that tells you something about my priorities.”
- “I always say ‘morning’ instead of ‘good morning’ because if it was a good morning, I’d still be in bed.”
- “If someone offers you a breath mint, always take it.”
- “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.”
- “I’m not sure if I’m getting over the hill or if I’m already over the hill and just picking up speed.”
- “I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.”
- “I don’t always get revenge, but when I do, I delete your Netflix profile.”
- “I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.”
- “I don’t have a dirty mind, I have a sexy imagination.”
- “You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not a jar of Nutella.”
- “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.”
- “I’m not lazy, I’m just conserving energy.”
- “I’m not arguing, I’m just passionately expressing my point of view, even though I know I’m right.”
- “My level of sarcasm has reached a point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.”
- “I’m not saying I’m Batman, but have you ever seen me and Batman in the same room?”
- “Breaking up is like getting a root canal – painful but necessary.”
- “The best way to get over a breakup is to treat yourself like a queen and eat like a king.”
- “Why cry over someone who didn’t even make you breakfast in bed?”
- “A broken heart is just a reminder that your ex wasn’t worthy of your awesomeness.”
- “Breaking up is like realizing you’ve been wearing the wrong size shoes for too long.”
- “The best revenge after a breakup? A happy and successful life without them.”
- “If love is blind, then breakups are the glasses that help you see clearly.”
- “Breaking up is like finishing a bad book – you’re glad it’s over, but it still stings a little.”
- “When one door closes, another opens. And sometimes that door leads to a better partner.”
- “Breaking up is like losing a game of chess – it hurts, but you can always try again.”
- “A breakup is just a reminder that there are plenty of other fish in the sea, and some of them are sharks.”
- “The best way to get over someone is to get a new hobby.”
- “A bad relationship is like a bad investment – it’s better to cut your losses and move on.”
- “Breaking up is like a diet – it’s painful at first, but you’ll feel better in the end.”
- “A breakup is just a reminder that not every love story has a happy ending, but that’s okay.”
- “Breaking up is like a game of Jenga – it’s all fun and games until someone loses a block.”
- “The best way to get over a breakup? Retail therapy and a big bowl of ice cream.”
- “A bad relationship is like a bad haircut – it’s better to cut it off and start fresh.”
- “Breaking up is like finally getting rid of that one sock with a hole in it.”
- “A breakup is just a reminder that some things are not meant to be, and that’s okay.”
- “I don’t have exes. I have Y’s. Y did I ever date you in the first place?”
- “Relationships are like algebra. Have you ever looked at your ex and wondered, ‘Why?'”
- “A good way to breakup with someone is to introduce them as your ex at parties. ‘Ex, this is everyone. Everyone, this is my ex.'”
- “I don’t always date toxic people, but when I do, I prefer to have a sense of humor about it.”
- “My ex is like a grenade. Remove the ring, and boom…they go off on you.”
- “I thought my ex was my soulmate until they started talking about the Kardashians.”
- “Breaking up with someone is like pulling off a band-aid. It’s painful, but sometimes it’s for the best.”
- “I don’t always have toxic relationships, but when I do, I make sure to have a good exit strategy.”
- “I don’t miss my ex, but I do miss the person I thought they were.”
- “I’m not saying my ex was a bad person, but they made my life a lot easier when they left.”
- “Breaking up with someone is like quitting a job you hate. You know you’ll feel better once it’s over.”
- “I don’t believe in love at first sight, but I do believe in laughing at first sight.”
- “Dating someone who’s toxic is like living in a house with a leaky roof. Eventually, you’re going to get wet.”
- “A toxic relationship is like a burrito. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but you’re going to regret it later.”
- “The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else…and then laugh about it with your friends.”
- “I used to think my ex was the sun, but now I realize they were just a bright light that blinded me from seeing the truth.”
- “Toxic relationships are like bad habits. They’re hard to break, but once you do, you feel so much better.”
- “My ex was like a storm cloud. Dark, loud, and always ready to rain on my parade.”
- “The best way to deal with a toxic relationship is to cut them out of your life like a coupon.”
- “I’m not saying my ex was a monster, but if they were, I wouldn’t be surprised if they had a Netflix documentary.”
- “I’m not crying over you, I’m just watering my plants with my feelings.”
- “I’m not bitter, I’m just aggressively optimistic about my future without you.”
- “Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your ex and wondered why?”
- “I don’t need a knight in shining armor. I need a man in a t-shirt and sweatpants who treats me right.”
- “I don’t believe in love at first sight. I believe in hate at first sight and love after a good fight.”
- “I’m not going to cry for you anymore. I’m going to laugh at you, because you’re not worth my tears.”
- “I’m not single. I’m just in a long-term relationship with myself.”
- “I’m not heartbroken. I’m just experiencing extreme emotional weight loss.”
- “I’m not sad. I’m just emotionally constipated and need to let it all out.”
- “I’m not jealous of your new relationship. I’m just happy I dodged a bullet.”
- “I’m not looking for someone to complete me. I’m looking for someone to compliment me.”
- “I’m not desperate for love. I’m just really open to kidnapping at this point.”
- “I’m not going to sit around and wait for love. I’m going to make love to life.”
- “I don’t need closure. I need a restraining order.”
- “I don’t miss you. I miss the person I thought you were.”
- “I don’t hate you. I’m just disappointed that you turned out to be everything you said you weren’t.”
- “I don’t need you to love me. I love me enough for the both of us.”
- “I don’t regret our relationship. I just regret the amount of time I wasted on you.”
- “I’m not afraid of being alone. I’m afraid of being with someone who doesn’t appreciate me.”
- “Love is like a puzzle, and heartbreak is the moment you realize that you’ve been trying to force the wrong pieces to fit.”
Tips On How To Use Funny Quotes About Bad Relationships
- Share them with friends – Sometimes, a good laugh with a friend is all you need to feel better after a bad relationship. Share your favorite funny quotes about bad relationships with your friends, and they’re sure to appreciate the humor.
- Use them as social media captions – If you’re going through a breakup, consider using a funny quote as a caption on your social media post. Not only will it make you smile, but it may also resonate with others who are going through a similar experience.
- Include them in a breakup survival kit – Create a breakup survival kit for yourself or a friend, and include some funny quotes about bad relationships. It’s a fun way to lighten the mood and remind yourself that you’ll get through this tough time.
- Use them as journal prompts – If you’re journaling about your feelings after a breakup, consider using a funny quote as a journal prompt. It can be a great way to get your creative juices flowing and help you process your emotions in a lighthearted way.
- Create a DIY inspirational poster – Get creative and make a DIY inspirational poster featuring your favorite funny quote about bad relationships. Hang it up in your room as a daily reminder to find the humor in life’s challenges.
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