100 Apple Jokes to Keep Your Core Splitting With Laughter

Welcome to the orchard of humor where the apples are ripe and the jokes are riper! “100 Apple Jokes to Keep Your Core Splitting With Laughter” is your one-stop destination for an apple-lutely hilarious collection of puns, one-liners, and juicy jests that will keep you entertained. Whether you’re a fan of Granny Smith’s tart humor or you prefer the sweet chuckles from a Honeycrisp, this compilation is seeded with laughs that will appeal to all.

Let’s face it: life can often be the pits, but a good apple joke can turn that frown upside down and remind you that the best way to keep the doctor away is indeed a daily dose of laughter. From witty wordplays that you’d love to share with your friends to groan-worthy puns that will have you rolling your eyes while chuckling under your breath, this blog has enough vitamin “C” for comedy to give your mood a healthy boost.

Join us as we peel back the layers of comedy with each joke, proving that the funniest fruits are, in fact, apples. By the end of our list, you’ll have a bushel of jokes to cart off and share at your next gathering, ensuring you’re never rotten, but always the apple of the eye at parties. So settle in and get ready to bob for the funnies in this barrel of laughs, because we’re about to take a big bite out of boredom and savor the sweet taste of humor together!

1. Why did the apple stop in the middle of the road? Because it ran out of juice!
2. What do you get when you cross an apple with a shellfish? A crab apple.
3. How do you make an apple turnover? Push it down the hill.
4. Why was the apple computer cold? It left its Windows open.
5. Why did the apple join the orchestra? It had a great core-set of skills!
6. What do you call an apple that plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity.
7. How does an apple a day keep the doctor away? By creating a “pear”-amid scheme.
8. What did one apple say to the other apple when they saw a robbery? “We must report this to the core-t!”
9. Why don’t apples cry? Because they’re too peared to shed a tear.
10. What type of a computer does a horse like? A Macintosh.
11. What do you call an apple after it’s been to space? An astra-nomical fruit!
12. Why did the apple go to the therapist? It had too many cores issues.
13. How do you get the best apples? You pick them!
14. What did the apple say to the almond? “You’re nuts!”
15. Why was the apple so good at hockey? Because it was a puckered fruit.
16. What do you call an apple who is a comedian? A pomme-de-haha.
17. Why did the apple join the tennis club? It wanted to improve its core-hand serve.
18. What’s an apple’s favorite movie? “Pulp Fiction.”
19. What did the Granny Smith say to the Winesap? “You’re the apple of my pie.”
20. Why are apples so attentive? Because they’re all ears – err, I mean, all spheres!
21. Why did the apple pie go to a therapist? Because it felt crumbly inside.
22. What did the angry apple say to the other? “You’re the core of my problems!”
23. Why did the apple get a job? Because it wanted to make a-peel-ing wages.
24. How do apples stay private? They use a firewall to keep worms out.
25. Why do apples make great detectives? They always get to the core of the problem.
26. Why did the apple break up with the banana? Because it found someone a-peel-ing.
27. What do you get if you cross an apple with a shell? An apple that’s hard to crack!
28. How did the apple apologize to the peach? “Sorry for my tart words earlier.”
29. Why do apples hate playing poker? They can’t stand to lose their chips.
30. What’s an apple’s favorite social platform? Tumblr, for all the apple turnover fans.
31. What do you call an apple you can’t see? Invisible apple-pie-rition.
32. How do apples greet each other? “Hey there, core-geous!”
33. What do you say to a baby apple? “You’re the apple of my eye-dahoe.”
34. Why did the apple get a job at the bar? To work on its liquor license – it wanted to be part of the cider business.
35. Why did the orange lose the race with the apple? Because the apple had a core team.
36. What did the apple tree say to the farmer? Stop picking on me!
37. Why did the apple draw a picture of itself? Because it wanted to make a still life portrait.
38. What did the green apple say to the red apple? “I’m green with envy.”
39. Why did the apple go out with a fig? It heard it was date-worthy.
40. What do you call an apple with a resume? Fruitfully employed.
41. How does an apple get around? On a cycle-ops, I meant bi-cycider!
42. What did the apple say on a rollercoaster? “Core-blimey!”
43. Why don’t apples like fast food? It doesn’t sit right with their peelings.
44. What do you call a never-ending apple? An infinity Granny Smith.
45. How do you organize a space party? You planet with space apples.
46. Why did the apple sign up for a workout class? To get to the core of fitness!
47. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field, surrounded by apples.
48. Why did the apple write a letter to the orange? Because it couldn’t find the words to express its peelings.
49. What did the apple say after a breakup? “I guess we’re better off in separate pies.”
50. Why don’t secrets stay secret in an orchard? Because the trees would blab every time they went out on a limb.
51. Why did the apple stop midway through dinner? It couldn’t get past the entrée of the “food chain.”
52. Why did the apples form a band? Because they had the beet.
53. What do you call an old apple? A granny smith.
54. What’s an apple’s favorite type of music? Anything with a good beetroot.
55. Why did the apple turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
56. What do you call an apple who’s a traitor? A turn-coat fruit.
57. Why was the apple always lost? Because it refused to use Google Maps and kept looking for a physical Apple Map.
58. What’s an apple’s least favorite TV show? “Orange is the New Black.”
59. Why are apples bad storytellers? Because they give away the ending in the first bite.
60. What did the apple say to the pie baker? “You’re the apple of my pie.”
61. Why was the apple so calm in the chaos? It mastered the art of peeling out.
62. How do apples write top-secret messages? In invisible ink.
63. What kind of apple isn’t an apple? A pineapple.
64. Why did the apple get a standing ovation? It was the pick of the orchard.
65. How do you catch a runaway apple? Roll out a red carpet.
66. Why was the apple a good actor? It always knew how to get into its role.
67. Why did the apple go out with a prune? Because it couldn’t find a date!
68. What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding half a worm!
69. Why was the apple embarrassed? Because it was seen with the salad “dressing.”
70. What did the apple say to the sandwich? “Lettuce be friends!”
71. Why do apples have a hard time starting conversations? Because they keep giving everyone the cold shoulder.
72. What’s an apple’s favorite restaurant? Anything with a good seedy atmosphere.
73. Why did the apple sit next to the pie? It wanted to be in a warm place.
74. What did the apple say to the cutting board? “You’re the chopping block of my eye.”
75. Why did the little apple cry? His teacher said the grade was on a bell pepper curve.
76. What’s an apple’s favorite ghost story? “The Legend of Sleepy Hollow (Seed).”
77. Why did the apple refuse to take a bath? It didn’t want to be mistaken for a bubbly pear.
78. What do you call a fast apple? A speedy seed-er.
79. Why did the apple sign up for philosophy classes? To find out if it was seed-nificantly important.
80. Why did the apple write a letter to the prune? Because it couldn’t find a pen-pal to connect with on a deeper peel.
81. How do apples keep their place in a book? With a book-pearmark.
82. What’s an apple’s favorite magic spell? Abra-cadapple!
83. Why did the apple refuse to play cards? Because the stakes were too high; it couldn’t bet its peels.
84. What’s an apple’s life story called? A biography of the fruitful years.
85. Why was the apple so funny? Because it was peeling silly.
86. What do apples drink before a race? Apple juice to get to the core of their energy!
87. What do you call an apple after it has been cut and shared? Slice-able friendship.
88. Why did the apple get lost in the dessert? Because it was not pie-loting correctly.
89. Why did the apple volunteer at the hospital? To help with the vitamin C-section.
90. What did the judge say to the apple? “You’re out of order! This is not your peel court.”
91. What do apples wear to look fashionable? Berry chic accessories.
92. Why was the apple computer at the bar? To meet some microchips and have a byte.
93. How does an apple start a race? “On your mark, get set, GROW!”
94. What did the apple magician say? “Pick a card, any cardamom!”
95. Why did the apple feel rejected? Because it was part of a mixed fruit bowl.
96. What did the mom apple say to the baby apple at bedtime? “Don’t forget to peel off your skin.”
97. What’s an apple’s preferred greeting? A-peeling hello!
98. What’s an apple’s favorite dating app? OkCupid, because they’re looking for the perfect “pearing.”
99. Why did the apple become a chef? Because it wanted to spice up its life.
100. What’s an apple’s favorite game to play at picnics? Frisbee, as long as it doesn’t become apple sauce!