Clock Puns and Jokes

What does a clock do when it's hungry_ It goes back four seconds

What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back four seconds.

Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana, but clocks... well, they just tick!

Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana, but clocks… well, they just tick!

Why did the clock get a good grade in school_ It always tocked enough!

Why did the clock get a good grade in school? It always tocked enough!

Time waits for no man, but it always pauses for a clock.

Time waits for no man, but it always pauses for a clock.

How do you catch a runaway clock_ Wind it up!

How do you catch a runaway clock? Wind it up!

Clocks are very hands-on when it comes to time management.

Clocks are very hands-on when it comes to time management.

What kind of watch is best for people who don’t like to rush_ A who-cares watch

What kind of watch is best for people who don’t like to rush? A who-cares watch.

Why was the clock calm during the debate_ It knew how to second its motion

Why was the clock calm during the debate? It knew how to second its motion.

Why was the clock in the cafeteria_ It was going back for seconds

Why was the clock in the cafeteria? It was going back for seconds.

What’s a clock’s favorite Spice Girls song_ “Time’s Up on the Wall.”

What’s a clock’s favorite Spice Girls song? “Time’s Up on the Wall.”

How can you tell a clock is really wise_ It goes through a lot of ticks

How can you tell a clock is really wise? It goes through a lot of ticks.

Got time on my hands, said every clock ever.

Got time on my hands, said every clock ever.

Why don't clocks tell secrets_ Because time will tell

Why don’t clocks tell secrets? Because time will tell.

Clocks_ always up-to-the-minute with the latest news

Clocks: always up-to-the-minute with the latest news.

What did the annoyed clock say to the enthusiastic hour hand_ “Keep your distance!”

What did the annoyed clock say to the enthusiastic hour hand? “Keep your distance!”

How do you know if a clock is smart_ It’s all in the timing

How do you know if a clock is smart? It’s all in the timing.

Why did the little clock get in trouble_ For tocking too much

Why did the little clock get in trouble? For tocking too much.

A clock’s favorite game_ Second guess

A clock’s favorite game? Second guess.

What did one wall clock say to the other_ _If you tick me off one more time

What did one wall clock say to the other? “If you tick me off one more time…”\

Where do clocks go on vacation_ New York Times Square

Where do clocks go on vacation? New York Times Square.

Why don't clocks use social media_ They don't have time for that!

Why don’t clocks use social media? They don’t have time for that!

Let's give a hand to the clock; it's about time it got applause

Let’s give a hand to the clock; it’s about time it got applause.

How do you make a clock stop working_ You give it a break!

How do you make a clock stop working? You give it a break!

Clocks are the only things that can make time fly and stand still at the same time

Clocks are the only things that can make time fly and stand still at the same time.

Why did the clock go to the therapist_ It had too many hang-ups

Why did the clock go to the therapist? It had too many hang-ups.

If you have a clock that tells jokes, it’s about time

If you have a clock that tells jokes, it’s about time.

What’s a clock's least favorite movie_ _Rush Hour!

What’s a clock’s least favorite movie? “Rush Hour!”

Time heals all wounds, but clocks just keep ticking

Time heals all wounds, but clocks just keep ticking.

Why did the clock break up with the calendar_ It was tired of dates

Why did the clock break up with the calendar? It was tired of dates.

A clock’s life is just a matter of time

A clock’s life is just a matter of time.

What kind of dog tells time_ A watchdog!

What kind of dog tells time? A watchdog!

Ever tried eating a clock_ It’s very time-consuming

Ever tried eating a clock? It’s very time-consuming.

What did the clock do when it was still hungry_ It went back four seconds

What did the clock do when it was still hungry? It went back four seconds.

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

Why was the clock always calm_ It knew how to unwind

Why was the clock always calm? It knew how to unwind.

Clocks are armed and dangerous—they have hands and faces!

Clocks are armed and dangerous—they have hands and faces!

How does a clock hear_ Through its hour-ears!

How does a clock hear? Through its hour-ears!

When clocks get together, it’s a real meeting of minds—or should I say faces

When clocks get together, it’s a real meeting of minds—or should I say faces?

Why was the grandfather clock so tall_ Because it was well-raised

Why was the grandfather clock so tall? Because it was well-raised.

Clocks always have time to spare, but never waste a second

Clocks always have time to spare, but never waste a second.

What did the mom clock say to the kid clock_ _Watch your minute hand!

What did the mom clock say to the kid clock? “Watch your minute hand!”

They said I had too many clocks, but I knew it was time to collect

They said I had too many clocks, but I knew it was time to collect.

Why do clocks love puns_ They’re great for passing the time

Why do clocks love puns? They’re great for passing the time.

Clocks are always ahead of their time.

Clocks are always ahead of their time.

What's a clock’s favorite app_ TikTok!

What’s a clock’s favorite app? TikTok!

My clock keeps bragging about its past—it's all about the good old days

My clock keeps bragging about its past—it’s all about the good old days.

Why did the clock keep opening the fridge_ It wanted to see time fly!

Why did the clock keep opening the fridge? It wanted to see time fly!

Clocks in a bakery follow the dough-hand rule.

Clocks in a bakery follow the dough-hand rule.

Why was the clock in the movie theater_ It was time for a show!

Why was the clock in the movie theater? It was time for a show!

When it comes to making clocks laugh, it’s about timing your punch line

When it comes to making clocks laugh, it’s about timing your punch line.

What happens when you annoy a clock_ It gets ticked off!

What happens when you annoy a clock? It gets ticked off!

A clock knows all the best times to drop a joke

A clock knows all the best times to drop a joke.

What do you call a story that one clock tells to another_ Second-hand information

What do you call a story that one clock tells to another? Second-hand information.

If a clock works overtime, does it get handsomely paid

If a clock works overtime, does it get handsomely paid?

Why did the clock get promoted_ It worked overtime

Why did the clock get promoted? It worked overtime.

Clocks are never early, they’re just timely fashionable.

Clocks are never early, they’re just timely fashionable.

What’s a broken clock’s favorite music_ Rock around the clock

What’s a broken clock’s favorite music? Rock around the clock.

A worried clock is always second guessing itself

A worried clock is always second guessing itself.

Why did the clock get a sunburn_ It spent too much time in the sun dial

Why did the clock get a sunburn? It spent too much time in the sun dial.

Never play hide and seek with a clock, they always face the truth

Never play hide and seek with a clock, they always face the truth.

Why don't clocks like competition_ They always get wound up

Why don’t clocks like competition? They always get wound up.

A clock’s favorite type of music_ Hip hop—because of the good beats per minute

A clock’s favorite type of music? Hip hop—because of the good beats per minute.

What do clocks eat for breakfast_ Tick Tacs

What do clocks eat for breakfast? Tick Tacs.

Clocks always know how to have a good time.

Clocks always know how to have a good time.

What’s a clock’s favorite type of humor_ Timeless puns!

What’s a clock’s favorite type of humor? Timeless puns!

Clocks don’t go to school, they just pass time

Clocks don’t go to school, they just pass time.

What do you call a clock on the moon_ A lunartick!

What do you call a clock on the moon? A lunartick!

A broken clock is right at least twice a day, so it’s not all bad news

A broken clock is right at least twice a day, so it’s not all bad news.

Why did the clock always win at poker_ It knew when to fold time

Why did the clock always win at poker? It knew when to fold time.

My clock stopped at 420, I guess it was high time

My clock stopped at 420, I guess it was high time.

How did the clock find its career_ It just followed its hands!

How did the clock find its career? It just followed its hands!

Why don't secrets last with clocks_ Sooner or later they tick them off

Why don’t secrets last with clocks? Sooner or later they tick them off.

Why did the clock go to school_ To pass the time

Why did the clock go to school? To pass the time.

My clock wanted to become an actor, but it couldn’t stand still during dramatic pauses

My clock wanted to become an actor, but it couldn’t stand still during dramatic pauses.

What did the clock say when it wanted to make a toast_ “Over to hour glass!”

What did the clock say when it wanted to make a toast? “Over to hour glass!”

Old clocks never die; they just lose their tick.

Old clocks never die; they just lose their tick.

What do you call a belt made of watches_ A waist of time!

What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time!

Clocks in the kitchen always face thyme

Clocks in the kitchen always face thyme.

Why did everyone trust the clock_ It knew how to spend its time wisely

Why did everyone trust the clock? It knew how to spend its time wisely.

A clock’s favorite movie_ _About Time_ - it really struck a chord

A clock’s favorite movie? “About Time” – it really struck a chord.

What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock_ _Look, no hands!

What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock? “Look, no hands!”

You can’t teach an old clock new ticks

You can’t teach an old clock new ticks.

Why was the clock always sad_ Because every minute was its hour of need

Why was the clock always sad? Because every minute was its hour of need.

Time puns aren’t for everyone, but they’re just right for clock enthusiasts

Time puns aren’t for everyone, but they’re just right for clock enthusiasts.

How do you know a clock is really brave_ It never runs away, just ticks forward!

How do you know a clock is really brave? It never runs away, just ticks forward!

Every time I pass a clock shop, I feel like there’s not enough time to see everything

Every time I pass a clock shop, I feel like there’s not enough time to see everything.

What do clocks do when they get home_ They let their hands down

What do clocks do when they get home? They let their hands down.

If you're going to throw a clock, make sure it's time to see it fly

If you’re going to throw a clock, make sure it’s time to see it fly.

Why did the clock take a pencil to bed_ To draw the curtains!

Why did the clock take a pencil to bed? To draw the curtains!

My clock’s not lazy, it’s just on a brief break

My clock’s not lazy, it’s just on a brief break.

What did the alarm clock say to the snooze button_ _Don't push my buttons!

What did the alarm clock say to the snooze button? “Don’t push my buttons!”

Clocks in an orchestra_ Always great with timing

Clocks in an orchestra? Always great with timing.

Why did the clock visit outer space_ To see time fly!

Why did the clock visit outer space? To see time fly!

When do clocks feel scared_ When they’re all wound up

When do clocks feel scared? When they’re all wound up.

How do you know when a clock is really serious_ When it goes straight to alarm!

How do you know when a clock is really serious? When it goes straight to alarm!

Clocks make great authors; they know how to work around the clock

Clocks make great authors; they know how to work around the clock.

Why did the clock join the army_ It wanted to be in the infantry

Why did the clock join the army? It wanted to be in the infantry.

The problem with alarm clocks_ They're alarming!

The problem with alarm clocks? They’re alarming!

What did the clock do when it was accused of being slow_ It struck back!

What did the clock do when it was accused of being slow? It struck back!

If you have a clock that loves math, it must be into times tables!

If you have a clock that loves math, it must be into times tables!

Written by Gabriel Cruz - Foodie, Animal Lover, Slang & Language Enthusiast

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