Why did the avocado write a letter to the tomato? To say, “Lettuce be friends!”
What do you call an avocado that’s been blessed? Holy guacamole!
Why don’t avocados get lonely? Because they come in pears!
How do avocados stay in shape? By doing avo-cardio.
What did one avocado half say to the other? “Without you, I’m empty inside!”
Why did the avocado start a band? Because it had great pits!
How do you fix a broken avocado? With guaca-mole!
What’s an avocado’s favorite game to play? Pitfall.
Why did the avocado go out with a prune? Because it couldn’t find a date!
Why did the teacher bring avocados to class? To spice up the guac-riculum.
What did the avocado say to the knife? “You’re the pits!”
Why did the avocado turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
How do avocados greet each other? “Avo nice day!”
What do avocados use to unlock their houses? Gu-keys!
Why are avocados never behind the times? They’re always up to date.
Why don’t avocados get into arguments? They’re too ripe for that.
What do avocados wear to the beach? A guaca-mole-kini.
Why did the avocado stop at the school? To guac and roll!
What’s an avocado’s favorite instrument? The pit-ar!
Why was the avocado so well-liked? Because it was the good kind of fat.
What do avocados call their grandparents? Guaca-mold!
Why was the avocado a great actor? It always stayed in guac-ter.
What do you call an avocado after a breakup? Guac-ward!
How do avocados say goodbye? “Peas out!”
What do you get when you cross an avocado with a radio? A broadcast!
Why do avocados make terrible runners? They always get guac-ed in place.
How do avocados stay informed? They listen to the latest guac and roll.
What’s an avocado’s favorite place to visit? New York, for the Big Guapple.
What do avocados order at bars? Avoca-daiquiris.
Why did the avocado go to the psychiatrist? It couldn’t handle its emulsions.
What do avocados call a mess? Guac-amess!
Why did the avocado join the police? It wanted to guac and serve.
Why did the avocado lose its job? It couldn’t concentrate on the tasks at hand.
What’s an avocado’s favorite TV show? Guac of Thrones.
Why did the avocado start painting? To express its inner guac.
How do avocados unlock their phones? With guac-codes.
What’s an avocado’s favorite day of the week? Guacday!
What’s an avocado’s life philosophy? Guac on!
How do avocados fight? They throw guac-amole!
Why did the avocado wear glasses? To improve its guac of vision.
Why did the avocado stop driving? It didn’t want to guac up mileage.
What’s an avocado’s favorite type of exercise? The squish-up.
What do you call an avocado that goes to church? A guac-ly spirit.
How do avocados like their toast? With a spread of themselves.
What’s an avocado’s favorite magic spell? Guacadabra!
Why did the avocado go on a diet? It had too much guac on its waist.
What do avocados take when they have a headache? As-pirin.
Why don’t avocados make good secret agents? They tend to guac and tell.
How do avocados write secret messages? In invisible ink.
Why was the avocado so good at basketball? It really knew how to guac and roll.
What do you call a very old avocado? Guac-ient!
How do avocados get to work? They take the guac-a-mole!
Why don’t avocados get stressed? They take everything smush at a time.
What do you call a frozen avocado? Cool as a guacumber.
How do avocados cheer on their teams? They guac and roll!
What do you call an avocado that’s a comedian? Pits and giggles!
What’s an avocado’s favorite superhero? Captain Ameri-cado.
Why don’t avocados ever get bored? They find everything ap-peeling.
What do avocados do when they hang out? They guac about life.
How do avocados pass their time? By pitting around.
Why did the avocado win the award? For being extra-smash-ing.
What do you call an avocado’s autobiography? Guac this way.
Why was the avocado so trustworthy? It never spilled the beans.
What do you call an avocado on Halloween? Guac-o’-lantern!
Why did the avocado wear a disguise? It didn’t want to be pitted.
What’s an avocado’s favorite kind of movie? A buttery drama.
How do avocados like their tea? Guac and sweet.
What do avocados say when they’re ready to leave? “Let’s guac and roll!”
Why was the avocado so good at history? It knew all about the Guac-age era.
What do avocados say at weddings? “Avocado crush on you!”
Why did the avocado go to the bank? To guac away with some cash.
What’s an avocado’s favorite weather? When it’s raining seeds.
How do avocados stay cool? They just chill in the fridge.
Why did the avocado cross the road? To guac to the other side.
What do avocados wear in winter? A guac-et.
Why did the avocado write a thriller? It had a mysterious pit.
What do you call an avocado that’s been knighted? Sir Guac-a-lot!
Why do avocados hate drama? They prefer to spread peace.
How do avocados say sorry? “I ap-peel to you.”
What did the avocado say to the burger? “Lettuce be friends!”
Why did the avocado blush? It saw the salad dressing.
How do avocados like their news? Fresh off the press.
Why don’t avocados get much mail? They don’t like junk in their guac.
What’s an avocado’s favorite type of ride? A guac and roller coaster.
How do avocados celebrate their birthdays? They throw a bash with lots of dip!
Why was the avocado so good at sports? It had the perfect pitch.
What do you call an avocado that’s good at math? Avoca-do the math.
How do avocados keep their skin so smooth? With lots of moistur-guac.
What do you call an avocado that’s been to space? An astro-nut.
Why did the avocado go to the music festival? To guac out!
How do avocados like their parties? With lots of dips and chips.
What do you call an avocado that’s a ghost? Guac-boo!
Why did the avocado go to the opera? It wanted to hear the high pits.
What do avocados wear on their heads? Pit caps.
Why did the avocado become a painter? To capture the essence of guac.
How do avocados stay fresh? They keep it cool and casual.
What do avocados do when they retire? They guac off into the sunset.
How do avocados like their steak? Rare, with extra guac on the side.
Why was the avocado always the life of the party? It always knew how to shake things up.
What’s an avocado’s favorite motto? “You guac my world!”
Why did the avocado get a standing ovation? It performed a smashing set!