Why did the bagel lose the election? It was the yeast of the worries!
How do bagels swim? They do the butter-fly stroke.
Why did the bagel go to therapy? It had a hole in its heart.
What do you call a bagel that can fly? A plain bagel.
What’s a bagel’s favorite style of music? Rock and roll!
Why don’t bagels ever get bored? They always find something to lox onto.
Why did the bagel sit by the fire? It wanted to toast itself.
How do you play poker with a bagel? With bread and butter.
What’s a bagel’s favorite sport? Hole in one!
What did the bagel do after a breakup? It went clubbing with its grains.
Why did the bagel go to the bar? To get toasted.
What do bagels wear to a wedding? Tuxedoughs!
How do bagels greet each other? “What’s poppy-seeding?”
Why don’t secrets last in a bakery? Because bagels love to spread the cream cheese!
What’s a bagel’s favorite type of movie? Anything but whole-some.
Why did the bagel join the police? It wanted to go on a stakeout.
What did the mom bagel say to the baby bagel? You’re the everything in my world!
Why do bagels make great detectives? They always find the hole story.
What’s a bagel’s favorite dance move? The jelly roll.
Why did the bagel visit the doctor? It needed a flour transfusion.
How does a bagel unlock a door? With its own dough-key.
What’s a bagel’s life philosophy? Don’t be afraid to take a whirl!
What do you call an ambitious bagel? A go-getter with a hole lot of goals.
How do bagels keep their skin looking fresh? Lots of lox-tion.
What do you call a bagel that does magic tricks? A dough-jician.
What did the bagel say to the orange juice? “I’m feeling a bit toasted this morning.”
How do you fix a broken bagel? With cream cheese and a schmear of patience.
What did one bagel say to the other? “You’re the hole package!”
Why did the bagel go to the gym? To work on its roll.
What’s a bagel’s favorite kind of dog? A pure-bread.
What do you call a scared bagel? Terri-fried.
Why did the bagel join the circus? It was a dough-ring act!
What’s a bagel’s favorite type of book? A mystery with lots of twists.
Why did the bagel refuse to play hockey? It didn’t want to get sliced!
What did the bagel say to the elevator? I’m on the rise!
What’s a bagel’s favorite day of the week? Fry-day.
Why did the bagel stop watching the movie? It was too crumby.
How do bagels send their kids to college? On a bun-dle of dough.
Why did the bagel take a nap? It was feeling crumby.
What did the bagel baker say when he won the lottery? Dough my god!
What do bagels call their fancy cars? Rolls!
Why was the bagel so good at golf? It always got a hole in one.
What’s a bagel’s favorite horror movie? I Know What You Did Last Supper.
Why don’t bagels like warm weather? It makes them feel too toasty.
What do you call a bagel that does karate? Pork chop.
Why was the bagel a good dancer? It had smooth poppy moves.
What do bagels do on a Saturday night? Go dough-wn to the party!
Why did the bagel start a business? To make some dough!
What did the bagel say to the butter? You’re my butter half.
Why do bagels hate snow days? They get too chilled.
How do bagels read the news? On their dough-wnloadable app.
What do you call an endless bagel? Un-lox-able.
Why did the bagel go to outer space? To see the Milky Whey.
What did the bagel say in the mirror? “Looking crumby today!”
What’s a bagel’s favorite ride at the amusement park? The Fermentis Wheel.
What’s a bagel’s favorite activity at the lake? Going dough-ting!
Why did the bagel apply for a job? It wanted to get out of the daily grind.
How do bagels introduce their spouse? “Meet my butter half.”
What do you call a baby bagel? A mini-roll.
Why was the bagel so smart? It was well-bread.
What did the bagel say to the door? “Dough-n’t close on me!”
Why was the bagel always calm? It kneaded stress relief.
What do you call a bagel in a vest? An investi-gator.
What did the bagel say to the cream cheese? “Spread the love!”
How do bagels discuss secret plans? In hush tones.
What do you call a group of singing bagels? A dough-re-mi chorus.
Why did the bagel write a book? To share its roll model.
How do you know a bagel is rich? It lives in a gated wheat community.
What did the bagel say when it got squished? “That’s just how I roll!”
What do you call a bagel with wings? A plane on the run.
Why don’t bagels work alone? They prefer to be in a batch.
What did the bagel say to the lonely loaf? “Don’t worry, you knead me!”
Why did the bagel stop racing? It couldn’t handle the heat.
What’s a bagel’s favorite magic spell? Abracadough-bra!
Why did the bagel go to the concert? To get a taste of pop music.
What’s a bagel’s favorite place to visit? The Yeast Coast.
Why did the bagel go to art school? It wanted to perfect its roll.
How do you cheer up a sad bagel? Give it a jelly hug.
What’s a bagel’s favorite exercise? Dough-wnward dog.
Why did the bagel apply to college? It wanted to improve its loaf.
What’s a bagel’s favorite piece of clothing? A crêpe top.
Why was the bagel so chatty? It was on a roll!
How do you describe a mysterious bagel? Full of hole-secrets.
What do you call a sneaky bagel? A dough-ninja.
Why did the bagel go to the spa? To relax its buns.
What’s a bagel’s favorite kind of weather? When it’s toasty and warm.
How do you get a job at the bagel shop? Bring a lot of knead-to-know experience.
What did the bagel say after the gym? “I’m toasted!”
What’s a bagel’s favorite way to travel? By crumb-bus.
Why did the bagel start meditating? To find its inner peace.
What do you call a bagel in love? Smitten with the oven.
What did the bagel say to the muffin? “You’re so sweet, I’m jelly.”
Why did the bagel go to the psychic? To find out what tomorrow’s toast.
How does a bagel propose? With an “I knead you forever” note.
Why did the bagel join the band? It heard they needed more roll.
What’s a bagel’s favorite type of tree? Sycamore!
Why did the bagel go to school? To improve its “roll” model behavior.
What’s a bagel’s favorite game? Hide and yeast.
Why did the bagel visit the beach? To feel the sand-wich between its toes.
What did the bagel say on its birthday? “Don’t worry, I’m still fresh!”
Why did the bagel become a poet? It had a way with words.