101 Dad Jokes about Beef

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet_ Because they lactose!

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose!

What do you call a cow with no legs_ Ground beef!

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!

Why did the cow go to outer space_ To see the moo-n!

Why did the cow go to outer space? To see the moo-n!

What do you call a cow who plays an instrument_ A moo-sician!

What do you call a cow who plays an instrument? A moo-sician!

Why did the steak go to the gym_ It wanted to get beefy!

Why did the steak go to the gym? It wanted to get beefy!

What do you call a cow with a twitch_ Beef jerky!

What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!

Why was the beef always nervous_ It had a lot at steak!

Why was the beef always nervous? It had a lot at steak!

What do you call a cow on your lawn at night_ A lawn moo-er

What do you call a cow on your lawn at night? A lawn moo-er.

What do you get when you cross an angry sheep and a moody cow_ An animal that's in a baaaaad moooood

What do you get when you cross an angry sheep and a moody cow? An animal that’s in a baaaaad moooood.

Why do cows wear bells_ Because their horns don't work!

Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work!

What do you call a cow in an earthquake_ A milkshake!

What do you call a cow in an earthquake? A milkshake!

What's a cow's favorite holiday_ Moo Year's Day!

What’s a cow’s favorite holiday? Moo Year’s Day!

What do you call a cow who gives no milk_ A milk dud or an udder failure

What do you call a cow who gives no milk? A milk dud or an udder failure.

Why do cows go to New York_ To see the moosicals!

Why do cows go to New York? To see the moosicals!

What do you call a sleeping bull_ A bulldozer!

What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!

Why don’t cows have any money_ Because farmers milk them dry!

Why don’t cows have any money? Because farmers milk them dry!

What did the mama cow say to the baby cow_ _It's pasture bedtime

What did the mama cow say to the baby cow? “It’s pasture bedtime.”

What do you call a cow that can't moo_ Mute!

What do you call a cow that can’t moo? Mute!

Why did the cow start a fight with the butcher_ He had beef

Why did the cow start a fight with the butcher? He had beef.

What's a cow's favorite moosic genre_ Moo-town!

What’s a cow’s favorite moosic genre? Moo-town!

Why don't cows have feet_ Because they lactose!

Why don’t cows have feet? Because they lactose!

How do you make a milkshake_ Give a cow a pogo stick

How do you make a milkshake? Give a cow a pogo stick.

What did the cow say to the steak_ _Well done!

What did the cow say to the steak? “Well done!”

Why did the cow bring a map to the party_ To find the milky way!

Why did the cow bring a map to the party? To find the milky way!

What happens when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence_ Udder destruction

What happens when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence? Udder destruction.

What do you get from a pampered cow_ Spoiled milk

What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.

How do cows stay up to date_ They read the moos-paper

How do cows stay up to date? They read the moos-paper.

What do you call when one cow spies on another cow_ A steak out

What do you call when one cow spies on another cow? A steak out.

What did one dairy cow say to another_ _Got milk

What did one dairy cow say to another? “Got milk?”

How do you make a burger smile_ Pickle it gently!

How do you make a burger smile? Pickle it gently!

Why do cows have hooves_ Because they moo-ve a lot

Why do cows have hooves? Because they moo-ve a lot.

What do you call a cow that's just given birth_ De-calf-inated!

What do you call a cow that’s just given birth? De-calf-inated!

What do you call a cow that cuts the grass_ A lawn moo-er

What do you call a cow that cuts the grass? A lawn moo-er.

What do you get if you cross a cow with a trampoline_ A milkshake!

What do you get if you cross a cow with a trampoline? A milkshake!

Why did the cow join the band_ Because it had the best moo-ves

Why did the cow join the band? Because it had great moo-ves.

What's a cow's favorite place to visit_ Moo York

What’s a cow’s favorite place to visit? Moo York.

What's a cow's favorite newspaper_ The Daily Moos

What’s a cow’s favorite newspaper? The Daily Moos.

Why did the steak apply for a job_ It wanted to bring home the bacon!

Why did the steak apply for a job? It wanted to bring home the bacon!

What do you call a cow with a twitch_ Beef jerky!

What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.

Why don’t cows have any money_ Because farmers milk them dry!

Why don’t cows have any money? Because farmers milk them dry.

What do you call a cow spy_ A steak-out

What do you call a cow spy? A steak-out.

How do you make a hamburger smile_ Pickle it gently

How do you make a hamburger smile? Pickle it gently.

Why did the steak go to the gym_ It wanted to get beefy!

Why did the steak go to the gym? It wanted to get beefy.

What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument_ A moo-sician!

 

What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument? A moo-sician!

Why was the beef always nervous_ It had a lot at steak!

Why was the beef always nervous? It had a lot at steak.

What do you call a cow with no legs_ Ground beef

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

Why don’t cows trust anyone_ They have beef with everyone

Why don’t cows trust anyone? They have beef with everyone.

How do you stop someone from stealing your steak_ You beef up security

How do you stop someone from stealing your steak? You beef up security.

What’s a cow’s favorite place to visit_ Moo York

What’s a cow’s favorite place to visit? Moo York.

What do you call a cow that’s just given birth_ Decalfinated

What do you call a cow that’s just given birth? Decalfinated.

What do you call a cow who works for a gardener_ A lawn moo-er

What do you call a cow who works for a gardener? A lawn moo-er.

What do you call a cow’s best friend_ A beef-friender

What do you call a cow’s best friend? A beef-friender.

Why do cows go to space_ To visit the Milky Way

Why do cows go to space? To visit the Milky Way.

What did the mommy cow say to the baby cow_ It’s pasture bedtime

What did the mommy cow say to the baby cow? It’s pasture bedtime.

What do you call an exploding cow_ A bomb-in-a-bull

What do you call an exploding cow? A bomb-in-a-bull.

What do you call cattle with a sense of humor_ Laughing stock

What do you call cattle with a sense of humor? Laughing stock.

What do cows read every morning_ The moos-paper

What do cows read every morning? The moos-paper.

Why don’t cows ever have money_ Because the farmers milk them dry

Why don’t cows ever have money? Because the farmers milk them dry.

What do you call a cow on a trampoline_ A milkshake!

What do you call a cow on a trampoline? A milkshake!

How does a cow become invisible_ By using moo-flage

How does a cow become invisible? By using moo-flage.

What do you call a cow that eats your grass_ A lawn moo-er

What do you call a cow that can cut the grass? A lawn moo-er.

What do you call a cow with full armor_ Sir Loin

What do you call a cow with full armor? Sir Loin.

What happens when a cow stops shaving_ It grows a moo-stache

What happens when a cow stops shaving? It grows a moo-stache.

What do you call a cow that can play the drums_ A moo-sician

What do you call a cow that can play the drums? A moo-sician.

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet_ Because they lactose

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose.

What did the steak say to the hamburger_ You’re ground!

What did the steak say to the hamburger? You’re ground!

Why did the cow become an astronaut_ To see the moooon up close

Why did the cow become an astronaut? To see the moooon up close.

What do you get when a cow jumps on a trampoline_ A milk shake

What do you get when a cow jumps on a trampoline? A milk shake.

Why did the beef sue the chicken_ It had a bone to pick

Why did the beef sue the chicken? It had a bone to pick.

What do you call it when one cow spies on another cow_ A steak out

What do you call it when one cowspies on another cow? A steak out.

How do you make a steak laugh_ Beef-tickle it!

How do you make a steak laugh? Beef-tickle it!

What’s a cow’s favorite TV show_ The Walking Dead—because of the cow-zombies!

What’s a cow’s favorite TV show? The Walking Dead—because of the cow-zombies!

Why do cows have bells_ Because their horns don’t work!

Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work.

What’s a cow’s favorite holiday_ Moo Year’s Eve

What’s a cow’s favorite holiday? Moo Year’s Eve.

How do you keep a bull from charging_ Take away its credit card

How do you keep a bull from charging? Take away its credit card.

What did the cow say to the steak_ I feel like I’ve seen you before!

What did the cow say to the steak? I feel like I’ve seen you before!

Why did the cow cross the road_ To get to the udder side

Why did the cow cross the road? To get to the udder side.

What do you call a sleeping bull_ A bulldozer

What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.

What do you call a cow with two legs_ Lean beef

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you get when you cross an angry cow and a grumpy sheep An animal that’s in a baaaaaad moooood.

What do you get when you cross an angry cow and a grumpy sheep? An animal that’s in a baaaaaad moooood.

What do you call a cow who won’t give milk_ A milk dud

What do you call a cow who won’t give milk? A milk dud.

What do you call a cow with three legs_ Tri-tip

What do you call a cow with three legs? Tri-tip.

Why do cows never give away their money_ Because they’re cow-ards

Why do cows never give away their money? Because they’re cow-ards.

How do cows stay up to date with current events_ They read the moos-paper

How do cows stay up to date with current events? They read the moos-paper.

What do you call a cow who works for a gardener_ A lawn moo-er

What do you call a cow that eats your grass? A lawn moo-er.

What do cows use to text each other_ Emoojis

What do cows use to text each other? Emoojis.

Why did the cow start a podcast_ To share the moos

Why did the cow start a podcast? To share the moos.

What’s a cow’s favorite place to hang out_ The moo-vies

What’s a cow’s favorite place to hang out? The moo-vies.

Why don’t cows have any secrets_ Because they always tend to moo

Why don’t cows have any secrets? Because they always tend to moo.

What do you call a cow that’s just had her baby_ Decaffeinated

What do you call a cow that’s just had her baby? Decaffeinated.

What’s a cow’s favorite type of math_ Moo-tiplication

What’s a cow’s favorite type of math? Moo-tiplication.

Why did the cow go to therapy_ It had too much emotional bag-moo-age

Why did the cow go to therapy? It had too much emotional bag-moo-age.

What do you call an artistic cow_ A moo-seum curator

What do you call an artistic cow? A moo-seum curator.

How do you count cows_ With a cowculator

How do you count cows? With a cowculator.

What do you call a cow who’s just been knighted_ Sir Loin

What do you call a cow who’s just been knighted? Sir Loin.

Why do cows have bells_ Because their horns don’t work!

Why do cows have bells? Because their horns don’t work!

What do you call a cow with full armor_ Sir Loin

What do you call a cow with full armor? Sir Loin.

What do you call a cow that’s just had a calf_ Decalfinated

What do you call a cow that’s just had a calf? Decalfinated.

What do you call a cow that can do magic tricks_ Moo-dini

What do you call a cow that can do magic tricks? Moo-dini.

Why did the cow jump over the moon_ To get to the milky way

Why did the cow jump over the moon? To get to the milky way.

What do cows do when they get bored_ They go to the moo-vies

What do cows do when they get bored? They go to the moo-vies.

Written by Gabriel Cruz - Foodie, Animal Lover, Slang & Language Enthusiast

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