101 Dad Jokes about Bitters

What do you call a cocktail that holds a grudge? Bitter to the end!

What do you call a cocktail that holds a grudge? Bitter to the end!

Why was the bitter cocktail so popular? It always had a twist!

Why was the bitter cocktail so popular? It always had a twist!

Why did the bartender get a job at the bitters factory? He had a zest for life!

Why did the bartender get a job at the bitters factory? He had a zest for life!

What do you call an unhappy grapefruit in your drink? A bitter mixer!

What do you call an unhappy grapefruit in your drink? A bitter mixer!

Why don't bitters reveal their ingredients? They like keeping a low profile!

Why don’t bitters reveal their ingredients? They like keeping a low profile!

What did one bitter say to the other? "Stop being so sour!"

What did one bitter say to the other? “Stop being so sour!”

How do bitters stay in shape? By being part of a balanced diet!

How do bitters stay in shape? By being part of a balanced diet!

Why did the cocktail break up with the bitters? It wanted a sweeter partner!

Why did the cocktail break up with the bitters? It wanted a sweeter partner!

What's a bitter's favorite music genre? Jazz, because it's full of complex notes!

What’s a bitter’s favorite music genre? Jazz, because it’s full of complex notes!

Why don't bitters go to parties? They can't handle too much sweetness!

Why don’t bitters go to parties? They can’t handle too much sweetness!

What do bitters do in their free time? Mingle with the right spirits!

What do bitters do in their free time? Mingle with the right spirits!

How do bitters handle their problems? They just shrug and say, "Pour me another!"

How do bitters handle their problems? They just shrug and say, “Pour me another!”

Why did the bitter become a philosopher? It always pondered the essence of zest!

Why did the bitter become a philosopher? It always pondered the essence of zest!

What's a bookworm bitter's favorite novel? "Bitterhouse Rules."

What’s a bookworm bitter’s favorite novel? “Bitterhouse Rules.”

What did the bartender say to the bitter lemon? "You're one tough squeeze!"

What did the bartender say to the bitter lemon? “You’re one tough squeeze!”

Why do bitters always win at cards? They have a poker face that’s hard to digest!

Why do bitters always win at cards? They have a poker face that’s hard to digest!

What do you call a bitter's autobiography? "Life in the Dash."

What do you call a bitter’s autobiography? “Life in the Dash.”

Why are bitters like old memories? They both leave a lasting impression!

Why are bitters like old memories? They both leave a lasting impression!

What's a bitter's idea of a good time?
Stirring up trouble!

What’s a bitter’s idea of a good time? Stirring up trouble!

Why did the bitter wear sunglasses? It was too cool.

Why did the bitter wear sunglasses? It was too cool.

What do you call an optimistic bitter? Sweetly mistaken.

What do you call an optimistic bitter? Sweetly mistaken.

How do bitters greet each other? "Hey sour, what’s up!"

How do bitters greet each other? “Hey sour, what’s up!”

Why are bitters bad storytellers? Their tales always leave a sour taste.

Why are bitters bad storytellers? Their tales always leave a sour taste.

What's a bitter's life motto? "Take life one dash at a time!"

What’s a bitter’s life motto? “Take life one dash at a time!”

Why did the bitter refuse to leave the bottle? It didn’t want to dilute its personality.

Why did the bitter refuse to leave the bottle? It didn’t want to dilute its personality.

What did the bitter say at the job interview? "I bring a unique blend to the table!"

What did the bitter say at the job interview? “I bring a unique blend to the table!”

Why don't bitters make good thieves? They're too transparent!

Why don’t bitters make good thieves? They’re too transparent!

How do bitters communicate? With sharp tones and tangy remarks!

How do bitters communicate? With sharp tones and tangy remarks!

What's a bitter's favorite holiday? New Year's Eve – time to reflect on the zest of the past year!

What’s a bitter’s favorite holiday? New Year’s Eve – time to reflect on the zest of the past year!

What do you call a lazy bitter? A settler.

What do you call a lazy bitter? A settler.

Why was the bitter so well-respected? It had a rich background.

Why was the bitter so well-respected? It had a rich background.

How do you keep a bitter happy? Keep pouring!

How do you keep a bitter happy? Keep pouring!

Why don't bitters like sugar? It's too mainstream.

Why don’t bitters like sugar? It’s too mainstream.

What's a bitter's favorite science? Chemistry, because it's all about mixing.

What’s a bitter’s favorite science? Chemistry, because it’s all about mixing.

Why did the bitters go to school? To become well-rounded.

Why did the bitters go to school? To become well-rounded.

What's the bitter’s favorite exercise? The twist!

What’s the bitter’s favorite exercise? The twist!

Why are bitters never lost? They always leave a trace.

Why are bitters never lost? They always leave a trace.

What do you call a group of bitters? A bitter-sweet symphony.

What do you call a group of bitters? A bitter-sweet symphony.

How do bitters deal with their fame?
One sip at a time.

How do bitters deal with their fame? One sip at a time.

Why did the bitter write a letter? To express its concentrated thoughts.

Why did the bitter write a letter? To express its concentrated thoughts.

What’s a bitter’s worst nightmare?
A world without cocktails.

What’s a bitter’s worst nightmare? A world without cocktails.

Why did the bitter cross the bar? To get to the other rye.

Why did the bitter cross the bar? To get to the other rye.

What makes a bitter laugh? A dry joke.

What makes a bitter laugh? A dry joke.

How do bitters celebrate their birthday? With a splash of fun.

How do bitters celebrate their birthday? With a splash of fun.

What’s a bitter’s favorite type of film? Anything but sappy.

What’s a bitter’s favorite type of film? Anything but sappy.

Why are bitters great at giving advice? They add just the right amount of zest.

Why are bitters great at giving advice? They add just the right amount of zest.

What do bitters wear to a wedding? A fine blend.

What do bitters wear to a wedding? A fine blend.

Why did the bitter join the circus? To spice things up!

Why did the bitter join the circus? To spice things up!

What's a bitter’s favorite type of weather? Cloudy with a chance of cocktails.

What’s a bitter’s favorite type of weather? Cloudy with a chance of cocktails.

Why don’t bitters like fast food? It’s too sweet and easy.

Why don’t bitters like fast food? It’s too sweet and easy.

What do bitters read in the morning? The Daily Grind.

What do bitters read in the morning? The Daily Grind.

How do you get a bitter to open up? Add a little alcohol!

How do you get a bitter to open up? Add a little alcohol!

What's a bitter’s favorite sport? Anything but squash.

What’s a bitter’s favorite sport? Anything but squash.

Why did the bitters go to the spa? To unwind their peel.

Why did the bitters go to the spa? To unwind their peel.

What's a bitter's favorite dance move?
The bitter bop.

What’s a bitter’s favorite dance move? The bitter bop.

Why do bitters make good secret agents? They blend right in.

Why do bitters make good secret agents? They blend right in.

What’s a bitter’s favorite hobby? Stirring up old recipes.

What’s a bitter’s favorite hobby? Stirring up old recipes.

Why did the bitters start a band? To hit the high notes.

Why did the bitters start a band? To hit the high notes.

How do bitters handle rejection? They just keep pouring.

How do bitters handle rejection? They just keep pouring.

What’s a bitter’s idea of a thrill? A blind taste test.

What’s a bitter’s idea of a thrill? A blind taste test.

Why are bitters considered wise? They've been infused with history.

Why are bitters considered wise? They’ve been infused with history.

What do you call an adventurous bitter? A wild extract.

What do you call an adventurous bitter? A wild extract.

Why don't bitters like daylight savings? It cuts their chilling time short.

Why don’t bitters like daylight savings? It cuts their chilling time short.

What's a bitter's favorite kitchen appliance? The mixer!

What’s a bitter’s favorite kitchen appliance? The mixer!

Why was the bitter so good at debate? It always had a sharp counterpoint.

Why was the bitter so good at debate? It always had a sharp counterpoint.

How do bitters express love? With undiluted affection.

How do bitters express love? With undiluted affection.

What’s a bitter’s favorite boat? A cocktail cruiser.

What’s a bitter’s favorite boat? A cocktail cruiser.

Why don’t bitters get along with milk? It curdles their style.

Why don’t bitters get along with milk? It curdles their style.

What do bitters do on a snowy day? Chill even more.

What do bitters do on a snowy day? Chill even more.

Why did the bitter join the orchestra? It had a pitch-perfect tone.

Why did the bitter join the orchestra? It had a pitch-perfect tone.

What’s a bitter’s favorite kind of math? Addition by subtraction.

What’s a bitter’s favorite kind of math? Addition by subtraction.

How do bitters handle stress? They never let it strain them.

How do bitters handle stress? They never let it strain them.

What do bitters do when they retire? Settle in a dry place.

What do bitters do when they retire? Settle in a dry place.

Why are bitters bad at hide and seek? They always leave a scent.

Why are bitters bad at hide and seek? They always leave a scent.

How do bitters say goodbye? "Stay fresh!"

How do bitters say goodbye? “Stay fresh!”

What do you call a bitter with rhythm? A beat box.

What do you call a bitter with rhythm? A beat box.

Why are bitters never on time? They like to stir things slowly.

Why are bitters never on time? They like to stir things slowly.

What’s a bitter’s favorite type of art? Anything abstract.

What’s a bitter’s favorite type of art? Anything abstract.

How do bitters deal with cold weather? They bundle up their peels.

How do bitters deal with cold weather? They bundle up their peels.

What do bitters do when they're angry? Boil with rage.

What do bitters do when they’re angry? Boil with rage.

Why don’t bitters play basketball? They’re afraid of getting squashed.

Why don’t bitters play basketball? They’re afraid of getting squashed.

What did the bitter do on Valentine’s Day? Spread the love.

What did the bitter do on Valentine’s Day? Spread the love.

What’s a bitter’s favorite part of a meal? The aperitif.

What’s a bitter’s favorite part of a meal? The aperitif.

Why did the bitter become a chef? It had a taste for the creative.

Why did the bitter become a chef? It had a taste for the creative.

How do bitters handle criticism? They take it with a grain of salt.

How do bitters handle criticism? They take it with a grain of salt.

What’s a bitter’s favorite board game? Risk, for the complex strategies.

What’s a bitter’s favorite board game? Risk, for the complex strategies.

Why did the bitter write a memoir? To share its layered life.

Why did the bitter write a memoir? To share its layered life.

What do bitters dream about? A world where every sip counts.

What do bitters dream about? A world where every sip counts.

How do bitters prefer their news? Unfiltered.

How do bitters prefer their news? Unfiltered.

What did the bitters do at the library? Checked out the latest brews.

What did the bitters do at the library? Checked out the latest brews.

Why don’t bitters like to shop? Too many sweet deals.

Why don’t bitters like to shop? Too many sweet deals.

How do bitters stay young? They always keep stirring.

How do bitters stay young? They always keep stirring.

What do you call a bitter in the desert? A dry martini.

What do you call a bitter in the desert? A dry martini.

Why are bitters so good at yoga? They're great at twists.

Why are bitters so good at yoga? They’re great at twists.

What’s a bitter’s favorite instrument? The drum, for its depth.

What’s a bitter’s favorite instrument? The drum, for its depth.

How do bitters handle breakups? They pour their heart out.

How do bitters handle breakups? They pour their heart out.

What did the bitter say in its toast? "Here's to staying sharp!"

What did the bitter say in its toast? “Here’s to staying sharp!”

How do bitters stay organized? Everything in moderation.

How do bitters stay organized? Everything in moderation.

Why did the bitter write poetry? To capture the essence of life.

Why did the bitter write poetry? To capture the essence of life.

What do bitters do at the beach? Soak up the tang.

What do bitters do at the beach? Soak up the tang.

How do bitters celebrate success? With a well-mixed party.

How do bitters celebrate success? With a well-mixed party.

 

Written by Gabriel Cruz - Foodie, Animal Lover, Slang & Language Enthusiast

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