Detective Puns and Jokes

I'm a detective, so if you think I'm engaging, it's just my natural charm

I’m a detective, so if you think I’m engaging, it’s just my natural charm.

Why did the detective bring a pencil to the crime scene_ In case he needed to draw his own conclusions!

Why did the detective bring a pencil to the crime scene? In case he needed to draw his own conclusions!

Detectives always have something up their sleeves, especially when it's cuffed

Detectives always have something up their sleeves, especially when it’s cuffed.

What do you call a detective dinosaur_ Sherlock Bones

What do you call a detective dinosaur? Sherlock Bones.

I used to be a detective, but I decided to retire because I couldn't find the right clues

I used to be a detective, but I decided to retire because I couldn’t find the right clues.

How does a detective find his way in the dark_ With a searchlight!

How does a detective find his way in the dark? With a searchlight!

Detectives are great in the kitchen—they always spice things up with a mystery ingredient!

Detectives are great in the kitchen—they always spice things up with a mystery ingredient!

Why did the detective stay in bed_ He was working undercover

Why did the detective stay in bed? He was working undercover.

I love detective jokes; they always crack me up!

I love detective jokes; they always crack me up!

What kind of detective is like a window_ A transparent one!

What kind of detective is like a window? A transparent one!

Why did the detective go to the baseball game_ He heard the pitcher had a perfect alibi

Why did the detective go to the baseball game? He heard the pitcher had a perfect alibi.

Why don't detectives play cards_ Too many cheaters to keep an eye on

Why don’t detectives play cards? Too many cheaters to keep an eye on.

A detective's favorite winter activity_ Sleuthing through the snow

A detective’s favorite winter activity? Sleuthing through the snow.

What do you call a detective who solves crimes in the bakery_ Sherlock Scones

What do you call a detective who solves crimes in the bakery? Sherlock Scones.

Why don't secrets last long with detectives_ Because they always crack the case!

Why don’t secrets last long with detectives? Because they always crack the case!

Why did the detective bring a ladder to the investigation_ He heard the crime was upstanding

Why did the detective bring a ladder to the investigation? He heard the crime was upstanding.

Detectives are never board... they have too many cases on their desk

Detectives are never board… they have too many cases on their desk.

What's a detective’s favorite part of the newspaper_ The news briefs—they always cover the essentials!

What’s a detective’s favorite part of the newspaper? The news briefs—they always cover the essentials!

Why did the detective bring a magnifying glass to the garden_ He heard plant care was a growing concern

Why did the detective bring a magnifying glass to the garden? He heard plant care was a growing concern.

How do detectives write their reports_ With invisible ink!

How do detectives write their reports? With invisible ink!

Detectives are great dancers; they always take the lead in solving the routine.

Detectives are great dancers; they always take the lead in solving the routine.

Why did the detective use shampoo at the crime scene_ To get to the root of the problem!

Why did the detective use shampoo at the crime scene? To get to the root of the problem!

A detective at a comedy show is always a stand-up guy.

A detective at a comedy show is always a stand-up guy.

What do you call a detective who only works on farms_ Sherlock Moos

What do you call a detective who only works on farms? Sherlock Moos.

Detectives don’t use bookmarks, they prefer to read between the lines.

Detectives don’t use bookmarks, they prefer to read between the lines.

Why did the detective go to the art gallery_ To frame someone!

Why did the detective go to the art gallery? To frame someone!

Detectives are the life of the party because they always bring their own case

Detectives are the life of the party because they always bring their own case.

What does a detective do after a busy day_ Goes on a brief case

What does a detective do after a busy day? Goes on a brief case.

Why did the detective stay calm during the blackout_ He was used to de-lighting in mysteries!

Why did the detective stay calm during the blackout? He was used to de-lighting in mysteries!

Why did the detective bring an umbrella_ It was raining cats and dogs, and he didn’t want to step in a poodle!

Why did the detective bring an umbrella? It was raining cats and dogs, and he didn’t want to step in a poodle!

Detectives never gamble with suspects; they can't afford to lose a lead.

Detectives never gamble with suspects; they can’t afford to lose a lead.

Why did the detective go to school_ To brush up on his detective skills

Why did the detective go to school? To brush up on his detective skills.

Why do detectives wear ties_ To ensure the case is always neatly tied up

Why do detectives wear ties? To ensure the case is always neatly tied up.

What do you call a sleeping detective_ An under-cover agent!

What do you call a sleeping detective? An under-cover agent!

Why did the detective bring a broom to the crime scene_ To sweep for clues!

Why did the detective bring a broom to the crime scene? To sweep for clues!

Why did the detective sit in the orchestra pit_ He was conducting an investigation

Why did the detective sit in the orchestra pit? He was conducting an investigation.

Detectives love coffee because it helps them espresso their thoughts

Detectives love coffee because it helps them espresso their thoughts.

What do detectives eat for breakfast_ Poached eggs—they always get their man

What do detectives eat for breakfast? Poached eggs—they always get their man.

Why did the detective go to the gym_ To work on his mystery muscle

Why did the detective go to the gym? To work on his mystery muscle.

Why was the detective in the choir_ He wanted to note all the suspects

Why was the detective in the choir? He wanted to note all the suspects.

Why was the detective good at drumming_ He knew how to hit the snare

Why was the detective good at drumming? He knew how to hit the snare.

How do detectives like their steak_ Well-done, with no trace of pink

How do detectives like their steak? Well-done, with no trace of pink.

A detective's favorite type of chips_ Ones that crack cases

A detective’s favorite type of chips? Ones that crack cases.

Why did the detective carry a stick_ To beat around the bush

Why did the detective carry a stick? To beat around the bush.

Detectives always have clear desks because they can't stand loose leafs

 

Detectives always have clear desks because they can’t stand loose leafs.

What's a detective’s favorite type of music_ Anything with good beats

What’s a detective’s favorite type of music? Anything with good beats.

Why did the detective bring a skateboard to work_ He wanted to roll through the cases

Why did the detective bring a skateboard to work? He wanted to roll through the cases.

Why did the detective stay cool during the investigation_ He had lots of fans

Why did the detective stay cool during the investigation? He had lots of fans.

How do detectives stay cool_ By always being under a fan of mystery

How do detectives stay cool? By always being under a fan of mystery.

What's a detective's least favorite game_ Hide and seek—they prefer to find

What’s a detective’s least favorite game? Hide and seek—they prefer to find.

Detectives love spring; they find joy in digging deeper

Detectives love spring; they find joy in digging deeper.

How do detectives relax_ By cracking cases

How do detectives relax? By cracking cases.

Why did the detective stay close to the campfire_ He was grilling the suspects

Why did the detective stay close to the campfire? He was grilling the suspects.

Why did the detective go to the beach_ To keep an eye on the shady characters

Why did the detective go to the beach? To keep an eye on the shady characters.

Detectives never get lost; they always find their way out of a plot

Detectives never get lost; they always find their way out of a plot.

What's a detective's favorite kitchen tool_ The magnifying glass

What’s a detective’s favorite kitchen tool? The magnifying glass.

Why do detectives always carry notebooks_ To keep their thoughts under cover

Why do detectives always carry notebooks? To keep their thoughts under cover.

Why was the detective at the computer_ He was following leads

Why was the detective at the computer? He was following leads.

Detectives are good at photography because they're great at shooting the scene

Detectives are good at photography because they’re great at shooting the scene.

What does a detective bring to a potluck_ Just desserts for everyone involved!

What does a detective bring to a potluck? Just desserts for everyone involved!

Why don't detectives get cold_ They always have a few layers of mystery

Why don’t detectives get cold? They always have a few layers of mystery.

Why don’t detectives like rain_ It washes away the evidence

Why don’t detectives like rain? It washes away the evidence.

Why do detectives make good authors_ They know how to compose a plot

Why do detectives make good authors? They know how to compose a plot.

How do detectives drink their tea_ After they've solved the bag

How do detectives drink their tea? After they’ve solved the bag.

Detectives never play hide and seek; they prefer seek and find

Detectives never play hide and seek; they prefer seek and find.

Why did the detective carry a time machine_ He liked solving past crimes

Why did the detective carry a time machine? He liked solving past crimes.

A detective's favorite type of tea_ Secret garden blend

A detective’s favorite type of tea? Secret garden blend.

Why did the detective refuse to play chess_ Too many bishops in the same place

Why did the detective refuse to play chess? Too many bishops in the same place.

Detectives don’t wait for answers, they go on a stakeout for them.

Detectives don’t wait for answers, they go on a stakeout for them.

What is a detective’s favorite type of dog_ A bloodhound, for its scent-sational skills

What is a detective’s favorite type of dog? A bloodhound, for its scent-sational skills.

Why are detectives always timely_ They never want to miss a beat

Why are detectives always timely? They never want to miss a beat.

Why do detectives always carry notebooks_ To jot down sus-pens-ful notes

Why do detectives always carry notebooks? To jot down sus-pens-ful notes.

Detectives are like photographers; they always look for the big picture

Detectives are like photographers; they always look for the big picture.

How do detectives stay in shape_ By running from the truth!

How do detectives stay in shape? By running from the truth!

Why do detectives avoid riddles_ They prefer real cases

Why do detectives avoid riddles? They prefer real cases.

What do detectives put in their soup_ Thyme, it solves everything

What do detectives put in their soup? Thyme, it solves everything.

A detective's favorite kind of fish_ One with a good tail

A detective’s favorite kind of fish? One with a good tail.

Why did the detective join the circus_ He was excellent at juggling suspects

Why did the detective join the circus? He was excellent at juggling suspects.

Detectives in the choir always sing soprano because they hit the high notes in cases

Detectives in the choir always sing soprano because they hit the high notes in cases.

Why did the detective go to the party_ He heard it was a blast from the past

Why did the detective go to the party? He heard it was a blast from the past.

Why was the detective at the beach_ He was on the case of the missing sandcastle

Why was the detective at the beach? He was on the case of the missing sandcastle.

How do detectives keep their offices_ In-vested in files

How do detectives keep their offices? In-vested in files.

Detectives love pizza because it's a pie they can investigate

Detectives love pizza because it’s a pie they can investigate.

Why did the detective bring glue to the crime scene_ To stick to the facts

Why did the detective bring glue to the crime scene? To stick to the facts.

Why don’t detectives play football_ They'd rather tackle crimes

Why don’t detectives play football? They’d rather tackle crimes.

What do detectives do at the end of the day_ Close up shop and crack open a cold case

What do detectives do at the end of the day? Close up shop and crack open a cold case.

Detectives always carry pens because they love to ink about their cases

Detectives always carry pens because they love to ink about their cases.

Why did the detective stay at the baseball game_ He was looking for the catch

Why did the detective stay at the baseball game? He was looking for the catch.

A detective’s favorite exercise_ Running down leads

A detective’s favorite exercise? Running down leads.

What’s a detective’s favorite workout_ Squats, because they always get low down!

What’s a detective’s favorite workout? Squats, because they always get low down!

Detectives always drive cautiously; they don’t like to cross the line.

Detectives always drive cautiously; they don’t like to cross the line.

Why did the detective carry a match_ To light up dark places

Why did the detective carry a match? To light up dark places.

Why did the detective visit the vineyard_ He was investigating a case of grape suspicion

Why did the detective visit the vineyard? He was investigating a case of grape suspicion.

Why was the detective happy at the beach_ He found sand clues

Why was the detective happy at the beach? He found sand clues.

Detectives love cold weather because it’s the perfect time for chilling revelations

Detectives love cold weather because it’s the perfect time for chilling revelations.

How do detectives stay cool_ By chasing the shade

How do detectives stay cool? By chasing the shade.

Why do detectives always look bright_ They keep shedding light on dark matters

Why do detectives always look bright? They keep shedding light on dark matters.

Why did the detective carry a notebook_ To record the write evidence

Why did the detective carry a notebook? To record the write evidence.

Detectives are like doctors; they're always trying to close a case!

Detectives are like doctors; they’re always trying to close a case.

What's a detective’s favorite winter activity_ Following snow tracks

What’s a detective’s favorite winter activity? Following snow tracks.

Written by Gabriel Cruz - Foodie, Animal Lover, Slang & Language Enthusiast

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