100 Dry Humor Jokes: To Make Even a Statue Giggle

Welcome to “100 Dry Humor Jokes: To Make Even a Statue Giggle!” where the laughter is dryer than a martini at a prohibition-themed party. In a world where every chuckle counts, we’ve mustered up a century of quips that will tickle the fancy of the stoic and the spirited alike.

This blog is a sanctuary for the lovers of wit so sharp it could slice a loaf of irony into perfect, even slices. From puns that will have you groaning in delight to one-liners that arrive so unexpectedly you’ll be checking your rear-view mirror, we have it all. We believe that a day without laughter is a day wasted, and our mission is to make sure that never happens to you.

Dive into our compilation of clever jests and watch as your sense of humor evolves from a mere chuckle to a sophisticated snicker. Imagine jokes so potent they can defrost the icy grip of the Monday morning blues, and so timeless, they could be told in any era, to any generation. Our jokes don’t just knock on the doors of hilarity; they gently tap on the windows of your soul and invite a burst of joy into your daily routine.

Whether you’re looking to arm yourself with a barrage of banter for your next party or just need a quick smile to break the tension of the day, you’ve come to the right place. Now, fasten your seatbelt, because you’re about to embark on a roller coaster of dry humor that runs on pure wit and requires no lubrication of slapstick.

1. I told my suitcases there will be no vacation this year. Now I’m dealing with emotional baggage.
2. Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.
3. I have a joke about construction, but I’m still working on it.
4. Why do bicycles fall over? Because they are two-tired.
5. Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
6. I asked the librarian if the library had books on paranoia. She whispered, “They’re right behind you…”
7. I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro. It’s a total rip-off.
8. The shovel was a groundbreaking invention.
9. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
10. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
11. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.
12. I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know Y.
13. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
14. I had a joke about time travel, but you didn’t like it.
15. A termite walks into a bar and asks, “Is the bar tender here?”
16. Insomnia is a snooze you can’t lose.
17. I started a band called 999 Megabytes — we haven’t gotten a gig yet.
18. The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.
19. I have a step ladder. I never knew my real ladder.
20. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
21. I’d tell a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.
22. Why don’t programmers like nature? It has too many bugs.
23. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
24. I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.
25. I tried to catch fog yesterday, Mist.
26. I know a lot of jokes about retired people, but none of them work.
27. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”
28. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was brilliant.
29. I’ve decided to sell my vacuum cleaner—it was just gathering dust!
30. I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me Kit-Kat ads.
31. My math teacher called me average. How mean!
32. Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
33. I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift, but I couldn’t find a manual.
34. I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me when he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it.
35. I bought a boat because it was for sail.
36. I don’t trust stairs because they’re always up to something.
37. I’m very pleased with my new fridge magnet. So far I’ve got twelve fridges.
38. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
39. I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.
40. I’m reading a book on the history of glue. I just can’t seem to put it down.
41. I wanted to be a doctor, but I didn’t have the patients.
42. I had a neck brace fitted years ago and I’ve never looked back since.
43. I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.
44. I gave all my dead batteries away today… free of charge.
45. Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? He made a mint.
46. I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.
47. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
48. Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
49. Did you hear about the fire at the circus? It was in tents.
50. I’m not addicted to brake fluid, I can stop anytime.
51. Why did the smartphone need glasses? It lost its contacts.
52. What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time.
53. Why was the big cat disqualified from the race? It was a cheetah.
54. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
55. I’d tell you a joke about a roof, but it’s over your head.
56. Why was the broom late? It overswept.
57. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
58. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
59. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
60. I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes.
61. What do you call a dinosaur that crashes his car? Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.
62. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
63. I’m thinking of starting a new dating service in Prague. It’s called Czech-Mate.
64. I once got into a fight with a broken elevator. I took it to another level.
65. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!”
66. I’m reading a horror story in Braille. Something bad is about to happen, I can feel it.
67. Why did the computer go to the doctor? It had a virus.
68. I tried to make a belt out of herbs, but it was a waist of thyme.
69. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
70. I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.
71. I’m friends with the monster that’s under my bed. We have a lot in common.
72. I told my doctor I heard buzzing, but he said it’s just a bug going around.
73. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose.
74. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.
75. I told my fence I was leaving. It never got over it.
76. Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will let it go.
77. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
78. I’m great at sleeping. I can do it with my eyes closed.
79. I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.
80. I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. I lost my case.
81. I bought a boat because I thought it was a good pier-pressure.
82. What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain.
83. I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
84. I started a company selling land mines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
85. I once tried to make a sandwich with a battery. It didn’t taste current.
86. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
87. I told my sofa we were going to move. It’s been on edge ever since.
88. I knew a guy who collected candy canes; they were all in mint condition.
89. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
90. I told my friend 10 jokes to make him laugh. Sadly, no pun in ten did.
91. I’m writing a book on penguins. In hindsight, “paper” would have been better.
92. Why did the calendar look so sad? Its days were numbered.
93. Why don’t we write with broken pencils? Because it’s pointless.
94. I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you didn’t like it.
95. Did you hear about the kidnapping at the park? They woke up.
96. I tried watching the World Origami Championship but it folded quickly.
97. I asked the math book about its problems. It said it had too many to count.
98. I just found out I’m colorblind. The news came completely out of the green.
99. I bought a second-hand time machine next Friday. They don’t make them like they’re going to anymore.
100. I can only handle 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know why.