100 Funny Quotes About Your Ex-Boyfriend You’ll Love

Written by Gabriel Cruz - Foodie, Animal Lover, Slang & Language Enthusiast

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Hey there! Are you looking for a good laugh? Whether you’re going through a breakup or just in need of some humor, we’ve got you covered. In this article, we’ve compiled a list of 100 funny quotes about ex-boyfriends that are sure to make you chuckle. From witty one-liners to sarcastic quips, these quotes will have you saying “yep, been there” or “thank goodness that’s over”. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. Let’s dive into the world of ex-boyfriend humor!

100 Funny Quotes About Ex Boyfriends 

  1. “My ex-boyfriend’s job is like his heart – always on break.”
  2. “If my ex-boyfriend was a watch, he would be stuck in time – never moving forward.”
  3. “My ex-boyfriend’s sense of humor is like his heart – nonexistent.”
  4. “Dating my ex-boyfriend was like a rollercoaster ride – full of ups and downs, but ultimately made me want to puke.”
  5. “My ex-boyfriend’s promises are like his heart – empty.”
  6. “My ex-boyfriend’s phone is like his heart – always on silent.”
  7. “Breaking up with my ex-boyfriend was like getting off a sinking ship – I had to save myself before I went down with him.”
  8. “My ex-boyfriend’s charm is like his heart – fake and fleeting.”
  9. “If my ex-boyfriend was a movie, he would be a horror film – scary, unpredictable, and not worth watching again.”
  10. “My ex-boyfriend’s cooking is like his heart – bland and lacking flavor.”
  11. “My ex-boyfriend’s emotions are like a calculus problem – complex and hard to solve.”
  12. “If my ex-boyfriend was a puzzle, he would be missing a few pieces – incomplete and not worth the effort.”
  13. “My ex-boyfriend’s excuses are like algebra equations – confusing and hard to follow.”
  14. “Breaking up with my ex-boyfriend was like solving a geometry problem – it took some work, but the answer was clear.”
  15. “My ex-boyfriend’s communication skills are like a trigonometry problem – obtuse and difficult to understand.”
  16. “If my ex-boyfriend was a logic problem, he would be a paradox – self-contradictory and impossible to solve.”
  17. “My ex-boyfriend’s memory is like a statistics problem – unreliable and full of errors.”
  18. “Dating my ex-boyfriend was like a physics experiment – full of friction and tension.”
  19. “If my ex-boyfriend was a computer program, he would be full of bugs – glitchy and frustrating to deal with.”
  20. “My ex-boyfriend’s love life is like a probability problem – unpredictable and full of random outcomes.”
  21. “I don’t miss my ex-boyfriend, but I do miss his Netflix subscription.”
  22. “My ex-boyfriend was like a walking encyclopedia – knowledgeable, but also boring and outdated.”
  23. “I don’t miss my ex-boyfriend, but I do miss his dog.”
  24. “If my ex-boyfriend was a restaurant, he would be all style and no substance – fancy, but not satisfying.”
  25. “I don’t miss my ex-boyfriend, but I do miss his car – it made for great napping on long road trips.”
  26. “My ex-boyfriend was like a gym membership – expensive and ultimately not worth it.”
  27. “I don’t miss my ex-boyfriend, but I do miss his dad jokes – terrible, but also hilarious.”
  28. “If my ex-boyfriend was a book, he would be a boring textbook – full of information, but not fun to read.”
  29. “I don’t miss my ex-boyfriend, but I do miss his grandma’s cooking.”
  30. “My ex-boyfriend was like a faulty product – looked good on the outside, but didn’t work properly.”
  31. “My ex-boyfriend was like a crossword puzzle – frustrating and full of blanks.”
  32. “If my ex-boyfriend was a movie, he would be a foreign film – interesting, but hard to follow.”
  33. “Dating my ex-boyfriend was like a choose-your-own-adventure book – full of bad options and regret.”
  34. “My ex-boyfriend was like a book with a misleading title – promised something good, but failed to deliver.”
  35. “If my ex-boyfriend was a TV show, he would be a confusing soap opera – too many twists and turns to keep track of.”
  36. “Dating my ex-boyfriend was like playing a game of chess with a cheater – unfair and unfulfilling.”
  37. “My ex-boyfriend was like a crossword puzzle with missing clues – impossible to complete and not worth the effort.”
  38. “If my ex-boyfriend was a song, he would be a difficult to sing along to – confusing lyrics and an offbeat rhythm.”
  39. “Dating my ex-boyfriend was like solving a riddle with no answer – a waste of time and brainpower.”
  40. “My ex-boyfriend was like a book with missing pages – incomplete and unsatisfying.”
  41. “My ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend is like a tourist in a foreign country – she has no idea what she’s getting into.”
  42. “If my ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend was a superhero, her power would be dealing with his emotional baggage.”
  43. “My ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend is like a firefighter – she has to put out all of his emotional fires.”
  44. “If my ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend was a chef, she would have to make a lot of emotional soup to deal with him.”
  45. “My ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend is like a doctor – she has to diagnose all of his emotional problems.”
  46. “If my ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend was a soldier, she would have to fight through his emotional battlefields.”
  47. “My ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend is like a therapist – she has to listen to all of his emotional problems.”
  48. “If my ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend was a teacher, she would have to grade his emotional progress.”
  49. “My ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend is like a gardener – she has to help him grow emotionally.”
  50. “If my ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend was a mechanic, she would have to fix all of his emotional breakdowns.”
  51. “Breaking up with my ex-boyfriend was like getting rid of a splinter – painful, but ultimately freeing.”
  52. “If my ex-boyfriend was a pair of shoes, he would be uncomfortable and leave blisters – not worth the pain.”
  53. “Breaking up with my ex-boyfriend was like taking off a heavy backpack – a weight lifted off my shoulders.”
  54. “My ex-boyfriend was like a bad haircut – awkward and uncomfortable to deal with.”
  55. “Breaking up with my ex-boyfriend was like leaving a job I hated – scary, but necessary for my happiness.”
  56. “If my ex-boyfriend was a shirt, he would be too tight and suffocating – not comfortable to wear.”
  57. “Breaking up with my ex-boyfriend was like ending a subscription to a bad magazine – a waste of time and money.”
  58. “My ex-boyfriend was like a pair of socks with holes – uncomfortable and not worth the effort to fix.”
  59. “If my ex-boyfriend was a meal, he would be unappetizing and hard to swallow – not worth the calories.”
  60. “Breaking up with my ex-boyfriend was like taking off a hat that doesn’t fit – uncomfortable and embarrassing.”
  61. “My ex-boyfriend may have broken my heart, but he also broke my boredom – now I have a great story to tell.”
  62. “If my ex-boyfriend was a gift, he would be like a sweater that doesn’t fit – not what I wanted, but at least I can regift him with a funny story.”
  63. “My ex-boyfriend was like a bad movie – a waste of time, but at least it makes for a funny review.”
  64. “If my ex-boyfriend was a souvenir, he would be like a tacky keychain – useless, but a funny conversation starter.”
  65. “My ex-boyfriend was like a bad haircut – painful at first, but now I can laugh about it with my friends.”
  66. “If my ex-boyfriend was a restaurant, he would be a terrible Yelp review – bad experience, but at least it makes for a funny story.”
  67. “My ex-boyfriend was like a bad tattoo – regrettable, but now it makes for a funny story to tell strangers.”
  68. “If my ex-boyfriend was a traffic jam, he would be a frustrating experience – but now I can joke about it with my friends.”
  69. “My ex-boyfriend was like a bad vacation – disappointing, but now it makes for a funny travel story.”
  70. “If my ex-boyfriend was a rollercoaster, he would be a wild and bumpy ride – not something I want to do again, but a funny memory to look back on.”
  71. “My ex-boyfriend is like a bad song stuck in my head – annoying and hard to get rid of.”
  72. “If my ex-boyfriend was a rash, he would be itchy and uncomfortable – not something I want to deal with again.”
  73. “My ex-boyfriend is like a bad smell – unpleasant and hard to get rid of.”
  74. “If my ex-boyfriend was a traffic jam, he would be a frustrating and never-ending experience.”
  75. “My ex-boyfriend is like a stubborn stain – hard to remove and always lingering.”
  76. “If my ex-boyfriend was a bad haircut, he would be impossible to fix and embarrassing to deal with.”
  77. “My ex-boyfriend is like a broken record – repeating the same old things and never getting anywhere.”
  78. “If my ex-boyfriend was a bad dream, he would be a nightmare that I can’t escape from.”
  79. “My ex-boyfriend is like a bad habit – hard to break and always tempting to go back to.”
  80. “If my ex-boyfriend was a car, he would be a lemon – always breaking down and causing problems.”
  81. “My ex-boyfriend was like a bad GPS – always leading me in the wrong direction.”
  82. “If my ex-boyfriend was a product, he would be a cheap knockoff – not worth the price and always falling apart.”
  83. “My ex-boyfriend was like a bad cell phone signal – unreliable and always cutting out.”
  84. “If my ex-boyfriend was a restaurant, he would be a health code violation – not safe and always causing problems.”
  85. “My ex-boyfriend was like a broken umbrella – useless and always causing more problems than solving.”
  86. “If my ex-boyfriend was a computer, he would be full of viruses and glitches – always causing problems and never working properly.”
  87. “My ex-boyfriend was like a faulty vending machine – taking my money and never delivering what I wanted.”
  88. “If my ex-boyfriend was a house, he would be a money pit – always needing repairs and never worth the investment.”
  89. “My ex-boyfriend was like a leaky faucet – constantly dripping and always causing annoyance.”
  90. “If my ex-boyfriend was a vacation, he would be a nightmare trip – full of problems and never worth the expense.”
  91. “My ex-boyfriend was like a bad haircut – unflattering and something you wish you could undo.”
  92. “If my ex-boyfriend was a food, he would be a microwave meal – unappetizing and lacking substance.”
  93. “My ex-boyfriend was like a bad movie – a waste of time and money that you regret seeing.”
  94. “If my ex-boyfriend was a book, he would be a boring and forgettable read – not worth the time and effort.”
  95. “My ex-boyfriend was like a bad tattoo – painful to get and something you want to remove ASAP.”
  96. “If my ex-boyfriend was a car, he would be a clunker – unreliable and a burden to deal with.”
  97. “My ex-boyfriend was like a bad song – annoying and something you can’t get out of your head.”
  98. “If my ex-boyfriend was a fashion trend, he would be wearing socks with sandals – unfashionable and cringe-worthy.”
  99. “My ex-boyfriend was like a broken phone – always causing frustration and never working properly.”
  100. “If my ex-boyfriend was a drink, he would be a watered-down cocktail – disappointing and lacking in flavor.”

Tips On How To Use Funny Quotes About Ex Boyfriends

  1. Share with your friends – You can use these quotes to share a laugh with your friends who have also had an ex-boyfriend. They will definitely relate and it’s a great way to bond over shared experiences.
  2. Social media – Share a funny quote about your ex-boyfriend on social media. It’s a great way to show that you are over him and can laugh about the situation. Plus, it might make some of your followers laugh too!
  3. Use them in conversations – When talking with your friends or family, you can use these funny quotes to add some humor to the conversation. It’s a great way to lighten the mood and get a few laughs.
  4. Write them in a card – If someone you know has just broken up with their boyfriend, you can include a funny quote in a card to make them smile and show your support.
  5. Use them to heal – Sometimes it’s good to laugh about a bad situation. Using funny quotes about ex-boyfriends can help you heal and move on from the relationship. It’s a great way to remind yourself that you are strong and can handle anything that comes your way.

Remember, while these quotes are meant to be funny and lighthearted, it’s important to use them in a respectful manner. Avoid using quotes that are mean-spirited or hurtful. Use them to bring a smile to your face or to share a laugh with others.

 

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