Why don’t magicians ever reveal their secrets? Because they’d have to pull a vanishing act afterwards!
I’m reading a book on anti-gravity magic tricks—it’s impossible to put down!
What do you call a magician who loses his magic wand? A stickler for details.
Magicians cook their meals with a cauldron, but they always spice it up with a little hocus-pocus.
Why did the magician become a baker? He loved to slice and dice.
Magicians are never late; they always arrive in the “nick of time.”
How do magicians send mail? By vanish-post!
If magicians were landscapers, they’d make the best vanishing hedges.
What’s a magician’s favorite dance move? The abracad-abra.
Did you hear about the forgetful magician? He’s always losing his train of thought and his rabbits!
Why did the magician break up with his assistant? She kept disappearing on him!
A magician’s favorite type of investment? Trick bonds.
What do you call a magician without magic? Ian.
Why do magicians excel in school? They’re great at multi-tasking and misdirection.
Why do magicians do well in school? They’re great at trick questions.
When magicians go fishing, they always have a few cast-iron spells.
What do magicians eat for breakfast? Poof-poofs!
A magician’s favorite leg exercise? The abra-ca-dab-ra.
How do you know a magician is in a bad mood? Even his rabbit catches an attitude.
Magicians don’t go to fabric stores; they go to felt-tipping.
Why did the magician get a parking ticket? He pulled his car out of a no parking hat.
Why do magicians always have a deck of cards? For when they need a suit up their sleeve.
What do you call a magician who can walk through walls? “Clear-ly” amazing!
Magicians’ pets? Birds that can tweet and disappear.
Why was the magician good at baseball? He always had a few tricks up his sleeve.
If you’re dating a magician, you should know they have a few tricks up their sleeve.
What’s a magician’s favorite fish? Anything that performs a good hocus pocus.
Magicians’ favorite kitchen appliance? The micro-wave-a-wand.
How do magicians freshen their breath? With abracad-abra-mint!
What’s a magician’s favorite hangout? The enchanted beanstalk.
What’s a magician’s favorite part of the joke? The “punch” line.
How do magicians fix a broken light? With a flick of the switch and a little trick.
Why don’t magicians use calendars? They prefer days that disappear.
Why don’t magicians get lost? They always take the right turn with a twist.
How did the magician propose to his girlfriend? “Will you appear in my life forever?”
Magicians’ cars don’t break down—they just disappear.
What do you call a magical dog? A labracadabrador.
A magician’s favorite sport? Anything with a magic ball.
How do magicians like their eggs? Made to vanish.
When a magician vacuums, do they use a Hoover or a “hocus-pocus”?
Why do magicians make terrible weather forecasters? Their predictions always vanish into thin air!
Why are magicians’ jokes so funny? They have a magic touch.
Why did the magician become a writer? He had a way with spell-ing.
Did you hear about the modest magician? He made a blushing disappear!
What’s a magician’s favorite playground equipment? The see-not-saw.
Magicians don’t retire—they just vanish into thin air.
What do you get if you cross a magician with a camera? A Houdini-graph.
A magician’s favorite chocolate? Sleight Milky Way.
Why was the magician always calm? He never let anything get under his hat.
Why do magicians always bring a rope? You never know when you’ll need a quick escape.
How do magicians clean their clothes? With a little sleight of hand-washing.
In the world of magic, every meeting is a “wand-erful” encounter.
What do you call a dinosaur that can perform magic tricks? A Magisaurus Rex.
Magicians’ favorite part of the newspaper? The comic strips disappear.
Why don’t magicians play hide and seek? Good luck hiding when everyone’s watching!
Magicians’ beverages? Tea with a bit of presti-digestion.
What kind of music do magicians listen to? Something with a good escape beat.
How do magicians stay cool in summer? With their fan-tastic tricks.
Why did the magician carry an umbrella? For raining applause.
A magician’s favorite film genre? Illusion-noir.
What’s a magician’s favorite ice cream flavor? Presti-choco-nilla.
Why do magicians make great musicians? They always know the key to a great trick.
How do you know a magician is financially savvy? He knows all the coin tricks.
Magicians don’t buy flowers—they conjure roses.
What did the magician say to the fisherman? Pick a cod, any cod!
Why do magicians always write in cursive? Because they can’t spell straight!
How do magicians stay fit? By doing daily cardio-abracadabra.
A magician’s favorite chess piece? The king of disappearing acts.
What’s a magician’s favorite fruit? A banana, because it disappears as soon as you peel it!
Magicians don’t use doorbells; they appear magically.
How do you know when a magician is really bad? Even his rabbit boos him.
Why do magicians always carry string? To keep their tricks tied up nicely.
Why did the magician start gardening? He wanted to grow his own wand-wood.
Magicians don’t take photos; they make memories disappear.
What do magicians take when they have a cold? Cough-disappear syrup!
A magician’s favorite historical period? The reappear-ssance.
What’s a magician’s favorite type of pasta? The disappearing kind.
Why do magicians love the ocean? For its deep secrets and sudden vanishing waves.
Why do magicians always carry a mirror? To practice their poker faces.
Magicians’ computers don’t crash—they magically reboot.
What do magicians wear to formal events? Cloaks of invisibility.
Why do magicians love brunch? For the b-roomsticks.
What’s a magician’s least favorite food? Anything too plain to see.
A magician’s favorite dog breed? A trick-r-spaniel.
Why did the magician get kicked off the golf course? Too many tricks in the bunker.
Magicians don’t argue, they just change the topic with a slight of mind.
What happens when a magician gets angry? He pulls his hare out!
How do magicians get around town? On their flying carpets.
How do magicians decorate their homes? With illusion and mirrors.
Magicians don’t play cards—they play tricks.
Why did the magician join the orchestra? He had a knack for conducting disappearances.
A magician’s favorite part of a car? The illusion-ator.
What’s a magician’s favorite game? Trick-tac-toe.
Why do magicians wear glitter? To keep their aura polished.
How do magicians succeed in business? By keeping an ace up their sleeve.
Magicians don’t climb mountains; they levitate to the top.
Why are magicians great at solving mysteries? They always look beyond the smoke and mirrors.
Why are magicians great storytellers? Every tale comes with a twist.
How do magicians write software? By using a little bit of code magic!
A magician never forgets a face, especially if it disappears!