Magic Tricks Puns and Jokes

Why don't magicians ever reveal their secrets_ Because they'd have to pull a vanishing act afterwards!

Why don’t magicians ever reveal their secrets? Because they’d have to pull a vanishing act afterwards!

I'm reading a book on anti-gravity magic tricks—it's impossible to put down!

I’m reading a book on anti-gravity magic tricks—it’s impossible to put down!

What do you call a magician who loses his magic wand_ A stickler for details

What do you call a magician who loses his magic wand? A stickler for details.

Magicians cook their meals with a cauldron, but they always spice it up with a little hocus-pocus

Magicians cook their meals with a cauldron, but they always spice it up with a little hocus-pocus.

Why did the magician become a baker_ He loved to slice and dice

Why did the magician become a baker? He loved to slice and dice.

Magicians are never late; they always arrive in the _nick of time

Magicians are never late; they always arrive in the “nick of time.”

How do magicians send mail_ By vanish-post!

How do magicians send mail? By vanish-post!

If magicians were landscapers, they'd make the best vanishing hedges

If magicians were landscapers, they’d make the best vanishing hedges.

What’s a magician’s favorite dance move_ The abracad-abra

What’s a magician’s favorite dance move? The abracad-abra.

Did you hear about the forgetful magician_ He's always losing his train of thought and his rabbits!

Did you hear about the forgetful magician? He’s always losing his train of thought and his rabbits!

Why did the magician break up with his assistant_ She kept disappearing on him!

Why did the magician break up with his assistant? She kept disappearing on him!

A magician’s favorite type of investment_ Trick bonds

A magician’s favorite type of investment? Trick bonds.

What do you call a magician without magic_ Ian

What do you call a magician without magic? Ian.

They're great at multi-tasking and misdirection.

Why do magicians excel in school? They’re great at multi-tasking and misdirection.

Why do magicians do well in school_ They're great at trick questions

Why do magicians do well in school? They’re great at trick questions.

When magicians go fishing, they always have a few cast-iron spells

When magicians go fishing, they always have a few cast-iron spells.

What do magicians eat for breakfast_ Poof-poofs!

What do magicians eat for breakfast? Poof-poofs!

A magician's favorite leg exercise_ The abra-ca-dab-ra

A magician’s favorite leg exercise? The abra-ca-dab-ra.

How do you know a magician is in a bad mood_ Even his rabbit catches an attitude

How do you know a magician is in a bad mood? Even his rabbit catches an attitude.

Magicians don’t go to fabric stores; they go to felt-tipping

Magicians don’t go to fabric stores; they go to felt-tipping.

Why did the magician get a parking ticket_ He pulled his car out of a no parking hat

Why did the magician get a parking ticket? He pulled his car out of a no parking hat.

Why do magicians always have a deck of cards_ For when they need a suit up their sleeve

Why do magicians always have a deck of cards? For when they need a suit up their sleeve.

What do you call a magician who can walk through walls_ “Clear-ly” amazing!

What do you call a magician who can walk through walls? “Clear-ly” amazing!

Magicians' pets_ Birds that can tweet and disappear

Magicians’ pets? Birds that can tweet and disappear.

Why was the magician good at baseball_ He always had a few tricks up his sleeve

Why was the magician good at baseball? He always had a few tricks up his sleeve.

If you're dating a magician, you should know they have a few tricks up their sleeve

If you’re dating a magician, you should know they have a few tricks up their sleeve.

What's a magician’s favorite fish_ Anything that performs a good hocus pocus

What’s a magician’s favorite fish? Anything that performs a good hocus pocus.

Magicians' favorite kitchen appliance_ The micro-wave-a-wand

Magicians’ favorite kitchen appliance? The micro-wave-a-wand.

How do magicians freshen their breath_ With abracad-abra-mint!

How do magicians freshen their breath? With abracad-abra-mint!

What’s a magician’s favorite hangout_ The enchanted beanstalk

What’s a magician’s favorite hangout? The enchanted beanstalk.

What's a magician's favorite part of the joke_ The _punch_ line

What’s a magician’s favorite part of the joke? The “punch” line.

How do magicians fix a broken light_ With a flick of the switch and a little trick

How do magicians fix a broken light? With a flick of the switch and a little trick.

Why don’t magicians use calendars_ They prefer days that disappear

Why don’t magicians use calendars? They prefer days that disappear.

Why don’t magicians get lost They always take the right turn with a twist.

Why don’t magicians get lost? They always take the right turn with a twist.

How did the magician propose to his girlfriend_ _Will you appear in my life forever

How did the magician propose to his girlfriend? “Will you appear in my life forever?”

Magicians’ cars don’t break down—they just disappear

Magicians’ cars don’t break down—they just disappear.

What do you call a magical dog_ A labracadabrador

What do you call a magical dog? A labracadabrador.

A magician's favorite sport_ Anything with a magic ball

A magician’s favorite sport? Anything with a magic ball.

How do magicians like their eggs_ Made to vanish

How do magicians like their eggs? Made to vanish.

When a magician vacuums, do they use a Hoover or a _hocus-pocus

When a magician vacuums, do they use a Hoover or a “hocus-pocus”?

Why do magicians make terrible weather forecasters_ Their predictions always vanish into thin air!

Why do magicians make terrible weather forecasters? Their predictions always vanish into thin air!

Why are magicians' jokes so funny_ They have a magic touch

Why are magicians’ jokes so funny? They have a magic touch.

Why did the magician become a writer_ He had a way with spell-ing

Why did the magician become a writer? He had a way with spell-ing.

Did you hear about the modest magician_ He made a blushing disappear!

Did you hear about the modest magician? He made a blushing disappear!

What’s a magician’s favorite playground equipment_ The see-not-saw

What’s a magician’s favorite playground equipment? The see-not-saw.

Magicians don't retire—they just vanish into thin air

Magicians don’t retire—they just vanish into thin air.

What do you get if you cross a magician with a camera_ A Houdini-graph

What do you get if you cross a magician with a camera? A Houdini-graph.

A magician’s favorite chocolate_ Sleight Milky Way

A magician’s favorite chocolate? Sleight Milky Way.

Why was the magician always calm_ He never let anything get under his hat

Why was the magician always calm? He never let anything get under his hat.

Why do magicians always bring a rope_ You never know when you'll need a quick escape

Why do magicians always bring a rope? You never know when you’ll need a quick escape.

How do magicians clean their clothes_ With a little sleight of hand-washing

How do magicians clean their clothes? With a little sleight of hand-washing.

In the world of magic, every meeting is a _wand-erful_ encounter

In the world of magic, every meeting is a “wand-erful” encounter.

What do you call a dinosaur that can perform magic tricks_ A Magisaurus Rex

What do you call a dinosaur that can perform magic tricks? A Magisaurus Rex.

Magicians' favorite part of the newspaper_ The comic strips disappear

Magicians’ favorite part of the newspaper? The comic strips disappear.

Why don’t magicians play hide and seek_ Good luck hiding when everyone’s watching!

Why don’t magicians play hide and seek? Good luck hiding when everyone’s watching!

Magicians' beverages_ Tea with a bit of presti-digestion

Magicians’ beverages? Tea with a bit of presti-digestion.

What kind of music do magicians listen to_ Something with a good escape beat

What kind of music do magicians listen to? Something with a good escape beat.

How do magicians stay cool in summer_ With their fan-tastic tricks

How do magicians stay cool in summer? With their fan-tastic tricks.

Why did the magician carry an umbrella_ For raining applause

Why did the magician carry an umbrella? For raining applause.

A magician's favorite film genre_ Illusion-noir

A magician’s favorite film genre? Illusion-noir.

What's a magician's favorite ice cream flavor_ Presti-choco-nilla

What’s a magician’s favorite ice cream flavor? Presti-choco-nilla.

Why do magicians make great musicians_ They always know the key to a great trick

Why do magicians make great musicians? They always know the key to a great trick.

How do you know a magician is financially savvy_ He knows all the coin tricks

How do you know a magician is financially savvy? He knows all the coin tricks.

Magicians don’t buy flowers—they conjure roses

Magicians don’t buy flowers—they conjure roses.

What did the magician say to the fisherman_ Pick a cod, any cod!

What did the magician say to the fisherman? Pick a cod, any cod!

Why do magicians always write in cursive_ Because they can't spell straight!

Why do magicians always write in cursive? Because they can’t spell straight!

How do magicians stay fit_ By doing daily cardio-abracadabra

How do magicians stay fit? By doing daily cardio-abracadabra.

A magician’s favorite chess piece_ The king of disappearing acts

A magician’s favorite chess piece? The king of disappearing acts.

What’s a magician’s favorite fruit_ A banana, because it disappears as soon as you peel it!

What’s a magician’s favorite fruit? A banana, because it disappears as soon as you peel it!

Magicians don’t use doorbells; they appear magically

Magicians don’t use doorbells; they appear magically.

How do you know when a magician is really bad_ Even his rabbit boos him

How do you know when a magician is really bad? Even his rabbit boos him.

Why do magicians always carry string_ To keep their tricks tied up nicely

Why do magicians always carry string? To keep their tricks tied up nicely.

Why did the magician start gardening_ He wanted to grow his own wand-wood

Why did the magician start gardening? He wanted to grow his own wand-wood.

Magicians don’t take photos; they make memories disappear

Magicians don’t take photos; they make memories disappear.

What do magicians take when they have a cold_ Cough-disappear syrup!

What do magicians take when they have a cold? Cough-disappear syrup!

A magician’s favorite historical period_ The reappear-ssance

A magician’s favorite historical period? The reappear-ssance.

What's a magician's favorite type of pasta_ The disappearing kind

What’s a magician’s favorite type of pasta? The disappearing kind.

Why do magicians love the ocean For its deep secrets and sudden vanishing waves.

Why do magicians love the ocean? For its deep secrets and sudden vanishing waves.

Why do magicians always carry a mirror_ To practice their poker faces

Why do magicians always carry a mirror? To practice their poker faces.

Magicians' computers don’t crash—they magically reboot.

Magicians’ computers don’t crash—they magically reboot.

What do magicians wear to formal events_ Cloaks of invisibility

What do magicians wear to formal events? Cloaks of invisibility.

Why do magicians love brunch_ For the b-roomsticks

Why do magicians love brunch? For the b-roomsticks.

What’s a magician’s least favorite food_ Anything too plain to see

What’s a magician’s least favorite food? Anything too plain to see.

A magician’s favorite dog breed_ A trick-r-spaniel

A magician’s favorite dog breed? A trick-r-spaniel.

Why did the magician get kicked off the golf course_ Too many tricks in the bunker

Why did the magician get kicked off the golf course? Too many tricks in the bunker.

Magicians don't argue, they just change the topic with a slight of mind.

Magicians don’t argue, they just change the topic with a slight of mind.

What happens when a magician gets angry_ He pulls his hare out!

What happens when a magician gets angry? He pulls his hare out!

How do magicians get around town_ On their flying carpets

How do magicians get around town? On their flying carpets.

How do magicians decorate their homes_ With illusion and mirrors

How do magicians decorate their homes? With illusion and mirrors.

Magicians don't play cards—they play tricks.

Magicians don’t play cards—they play tricks.

Why did the magician join the orchestra_ He had a knack for conducting disappearances

Why did the magician join the orchestra? He had a knack for conducting disappearances.

A magician's favorite part of a car_ The illusion-ator

A magician’s favorite part of a car? The illusion-ator.

What’s a magician’s favorite game_ Trick-tac-toe

What’s a magician’s favorite game? Trick-tac-toe.

Why do magicians wear glitter_ To keep their aura polished

Why do magicians wear glitter? To keep their aura polished.

How do magicians succeed in business_ By keeping an ace up their sleeve

How do magicians succeed in business? By keeping an ace up their sleeve.

Magicians don’t climb mountains; they levitate to the top

Magicians don’t climb mountains; they levitate to the top.

Why are magicians great at solving mysteries_ They always look beyond the smoke and mirrors

Why are magicians great at solving mysteries? They always look beyond the smoke and mirrors.

Why are magicians great storytellers_ Every tale comes with a twist

Why are magicians great storytellers? Every tale comes with a twist.

How do magicians write software_ By using a little bit of code magic!

How do magicians write software? By using a little bit of code magic!

A magician never forgets a face, especially if it disappears!

A magician never forgets a face, especially if it disappears!

Written by Gabriel Cruz - Foodie, Animal Lover, Slang & Language Enthusiast

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