Mermaid Puns and Jokes

Why did the mermaid look the other way_ Because the sea weed!

Why did the mermaid look the other way? Because the sea weed!

It's not always easy being a mermaid—you've got a lot on your tide

It’s not always easy being a mermaid—you’ve got a lot on your tide.

What kind of phone does a mermaid use_ A shell phone!

What kind of phone does a mermaid use? A shell phone!

Mermaids know best when something fishy is going on

Mermaids know best when something fishy is going on.

How do mermaids wash their tails_ They use tide!

How do mermaids wash their tails? They use tide!

Always seas the day, especially if you're a mermaid!

Always seas the day, especially if you’re a mermaid!

Why did the mermaid sit on a clam_ Because she wanted a better perch!

Why did the mermaid sit on a clam? Because she wanted a better perch!

Mermaids are quite the catch in the social sea-ne

Mermaids are quite the catch in the social sea-ne.

Why do mermaids always know how much they weigh_ They have their own scales!

Why do mermaids always know how much they weigh? They have their own scales!

I shore love hanging out with mermaids!

I shore love hanging out with mermaids!

What do you call a mermaid on a roof_ An ariel!

What do you call a mermaid on a roof? An ariel!

We should scale back on these mermaid puns, don't want to flounder

We should scale back on these mermaid puns, don’t want to flounder.

What kind of money do mermaids use_ Sand dollars!

What kind of money do mermaids use? Sand dollars!

Mermaids really know how to make waves

Mermaids really know how to make waves.

What’s a mermaid’s favorite TV show_ Whale of Fortune!

What’s a mermaid’s favorite TV show? Whale of Fortune!

I have no-fin but respect for mermaids!

I have no-fin but respect for mermaids!

How do mermaids send mail_ By sea-mail!

How do mermaids send mail? By sea-mail!

Never get into an argument with a mermaid—they never clam up

Never get into an argument with a mermaid—they never clam up.

What does a mermaid wear to math class_ An algae-bra!

What does a mermaid wear to math class? An algae-bra!

Mermaids don't avoid seaweed, they see it as an op-porpoise-tunity

Mermaids don’t avoid seaweed, they see it as an op-porpoise-tunity.

Why don't mermaids play soccer_ They’re afraid of nets!

Why don’t mermaids play soccer? They’re afraid of nets!

Always keep a mermaid around; they're great for mermories.

Always keep a mermaid around; they’re great for mermories.

What do you call a mermaid with a top hat and cane_ Fancy fish!

What do you call a mermaid with a top hat and cane? Fancy fish!

Mermaids are always in tune because they can scale up and down

Mermaids are always in tune because they can scale up and down.

How do mermaids make friends_ They sea and be seen!

How do mermaids make friends? They sea and be seen!

They have a real knack for krilling the competition

They have a real knack for krilling the competition.

What’s a mermaid’s favorite song_ Anything by Sheryl Crowfish!

What’s a mermaid’s favorite song? Anything by Sheryl Crowfish!

Can't trust a mermaid's promise, they might flip-flop.

Can’t trust a mermaid’s promise, they might flip-flop.

How did the mermaid get to Atlantis_ She scalloped there!

How did the mermaid get to Atlantis? She scalloped there!

Mermaids are great at ocean puns—it's their primary porpoise

Mermaids are great at ocean puns—it’s their primary porpoise.

Why did the mermaid refuse tea_ She preferred seaweed tea!

Why did the mermaid refuse tea? She preferred seaweed tea!

When it comes to dating, mermaids don't dive into relationships

When it comes to dating, mermaids don’t dive into relationships.

What exercise do mermaids love_ Swimming laps!

What exercise do mermaids love? Swimming laps!

Keep clam and mermaid on!

Keep clam and mermaid on!

What did the sea say to the mermaid_ Nothing, it just waved!

What did the sea say to the mermaid? Nothing, it just waved!

Don't invite a shark and a mermaid to the same party, it could be fintastrophically awkward

Don’t invite a shark and a mermaid to the same party, it could be fintastrophically awkward.

Why did the mermaid draw her number on the ocean floor_ She wanted a sand digit!

Why did the mermaid draw her number on the ocean floor? She wanted a sand digit!

Mermaids often get a round of sand-applause for their beach performances

Mermaids often get a round of sand-applause for their beach performances.

How do mermaids keep their hair looking good_ They use a sea-tangle brush!

How do mermaids keep their hair looking good? They use a sea-tangle brush!

Always stream responsibly if a mermaid is watching

Always stream responsibly if a mermaid is watching.

Why don’t mermaids play basketball_ They’re afraid of the net!

Why don’t mermaids play basketball? They’re afraid of the net!

What is a mermaid’s favorite vegetable_ Sea cucumbers!

What is a mermaid’s favorite vegetable? Sea cucumbers!

That mermaid has a splashing personality!

That mermaid has a splashing personality!

Why did the mermaid eat oysters_ She needed more pearls of wisdom!

Why did the mermaid eat oysters? She needed more pearls of wisdom!

They're so-fish-ticated creatures, these mermaids

They’re so-fish-ticated creatures, these mermaids.

What do mermaids eat for dessert_ Octo-pie!

What do mermaids eat for dessert? Octo-pie!

Life as a mermaid_ You've got to learn to go with the float

Life as a mermaid? You’ve got to learn to go with the float.

What do you call a mermaid that can fly_ An air-maid!

What do you call a mermaid that can fly? An air-maid!

Mermaids make the best secret keepers; they're great at keeping things under the sea

Mermaids make the best secret keepers; they’re great at keeping things under the sea.

Why do mermaids love school_ For the algae-bra class!

Why do mermaids love school? For the algae-bra class!

What's a mermaid's favorite place to eat_ At a dive bar!

What’s a mermaid’s favorite place to eat? At a dive bar!

What did the mermaid do at the disco_ She shell-shocked everyone!

What did the mermaid do at the disco? She shell-shocked everyone!

Dating a mermaid_ It's a reel relationship

Dating a mermaid? It’s a reel relationship.

Why did the mermaid carry an umbrella_ Because of the waterspouts!

Why did the mermaid carry an umbrella? Because of the waterspouts!

Mermaids spend all their money on shell-phones

Mermaids spend all their money on shell-phones.

What is a mermaid’s favorite game_ Fish and Ships!

What is a mermaid’s favorite game? Fish and Ships!

They’re great at krilling it at parties!

They’re great at krilling it at parties!

Why was the mermaid a good musician_ She knew her scales well!

Why was the mermaid a good musician? She knew her scales well!

If a mermaid has a yard sale, it’s always a bit fishy

If a mermaid has a yard sale, it’s always a bit fishy.

How do you ask a mermaid out_ “Can I sea you tonight_”

How do you ask a mermaid out? “Can I sea you tonight?”

When mermaids write letters, they use seal-script

When mermaids write letters, they use seal-script.

What do you call a mermaid's daily journal_ A deep-diary!

What do you call a mermaid’s daily journal? A deep-diary!

Do mermaids smoke seaweed

Do mermaids smoke seaweed?

What did the mermaid wear to her wedding_ A water lily in her hair!

What did the mermaid wear to her wedding? A water lily in her hair!

You can't trust a mermaid in a choir; they always sea-sharp

You can’t trust a mermaid in a choir; they always sea-sharp.

Why do mermaids use seashells_ Because b-shells are too small and d-shells are too big!

Why do mermaids use seashells? Because b-shells are too small and d-shells are too big!

Where do mermaids sleep_ On water beds!

Where do mermaids sleep? On water beds!

What’s a mermaid’s favorite place at school_ The dive-in!

What’s a mermaid’s favorite place at school? The dive-in!

My mermaid friend is a real treasure, but she can be a bit shellfish

My mermaid friend is a real treasure, but she can be a bit shellfish.

Why are mermaids good at math_ Because they like to play with octopi!

Why are mermaids good at math? Because they like to play with octopi!

Mermaids don't watch TV, they stream their favorite shows

Mermaids don’t watch TV, they stream their favorite shows.

What did the mermaid snack on_ Ship and dip!

What did the mermaid snack on? Ship and dip!

If you play music for mermaids, make sure it’s something catchy!

If you play music for mermaids, make sure it’s something catchy!

What’s a mermaid’s favorite instrument_ The clam-pet!

What’s a mermaid’s favorite instrument? The clam-pet!

A mermaid broke up with her boyfriend because he was a real beach

A mermaid broke up with her boyfriend because he was a real beach.

Why did the mermaid sit on the seaweed_ To keep her kelp cool!

Why did the mermaid sit on the seaweed? To keep her kelp cool!

I asked a mermaid why they collect shells, she said it’s a shore thing

I asked a mermaid why they collect shells, she said it’s a shore thing.

What do mermaids sleep on_ Water beds!

What do mermaids sleep on? Water beds!

Mermaids don’t get grounded, they get beached

Mermaids don’t get grounded, they get beached.

How do mermaids keep up with current events_ They read the “Current News.”

How do mermaids keep up with current events? They read the “Current News.”

Mermaids don’t get dressed, they just get tide up

Mermaids don’t get dressed, they just get tide up.

Why don’t mermaids look good in photographs_ Because they're always a little bit fishy!

Why don’t mermaids look good in photographs? Because they’re always a little bit fishy!

They're always up to scale with the latest in fintech

They’re always up to scale with the latest in fintech.

What do mermaids wear to formal events_ An evening eel!

What do mermaids wear to formal events? An evening eel!

When a mermaid gets scared, she calls her mummy-wraps

When a mermaid gets scared, she calls her mummy-wraps.

What’s a mermaid’s least favorite chore_ Cleaning her aqua-room!

What’s a mermaid’s least favorite chore? Cleaning her aqua-room!

Mermaids don’t go online, they surf the net

Mermaids don’t go online, they surf the net.

Why did the mermaid refuse to play cards_ Because the whales were dealing!

Why did the mermaid refuse to play cards? Because the whales were dealing!

What do you call a mermaid on a skateboard_ A street surfer

What do you call a mermaid on a skateboard? A street surfer.

How do mermaids stay healthy_ Vitamin sea!

How do mermaids stay healthy? Vitamin sea!

Why do mermaids wear seashells_ Because b-shells are too small!

Why do mermaids wear seashells? Because b-shells are too small!

What is a mermaid’s favorite dance_ The tailspin!

What is a mermaid’s favorite dance? The tailspin!

I met a mermaid who could run, she was a myth in motion

I met a mermaid who could run, she was a myth in motion.

Why did the mermaid stop at the sandbank_ She needed to make a deposit!

Why did the mermaid stop at the sandbank? She needed to make a deposit!

A mermaid’s favorite ice cream_ Sandy swirls!

A mermaid’s favorite ice cream? Sandy swirls!

What beauty product do mermaids swear by_ Salt water!

What beauty product do mermaids swear by? Salt water!

What do you call a fashionable mermaid_ A fishionista

What do you call a fashionable mermaid? A fishionista.

Why do young mermaids play hide and seek_ Because old mermaids can’t sea well!

Why do young mermaids play hide and seek? Because old mermaids can’t sea well!

Why don't mermaids play cards in the ocean_ Because the fish might see the kingfish

Why don’t mermaids play cards in the ocean? Because the fish might see the kingfish.

Written by Gabriel Cruz - Foodie, Animal Lover, Slang & Language Enthusiast

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