Milk Puns and Jokes

What kind of milk comes from a forgetful cow_ Milk of Amnesia!

What kind of milk comes from a forgetful cow? Milk of Amnesia!

Have you heard about the cow astronaut_ He landed on the Moooon!

Have you heard about the cow astronaut? He landed on the Moooon!

What do you get from a pampered cow_ Spoiled milk

What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.

Why do cows use doorbells_ Because their horns don't work!

Why do cows use doorbells? Because their horns don’t work!

What’s a cow’s favorite holiday_ Moo Year's Day!

What’s a cow’s favorite holiday? Moo Year’s Day!

I'm so dairy-voted to you!

I’m so dairy-voted to you!

How do you make a milkshake_ Give a cow a pogo stick

How do you make a milkshake? Give a cow a pogo stick.

We make a dairy good team, don't we

We make a dairy good team, don’t we?

What do you call a cow that can't produce milk_ A milk dud

 

What do you call a cow that can’t produce milk? A milk dud.

This might sound cheesy, but I think you're grate!

This might sound cheesy, but I think you’re grate!

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet_ Because they lactose!

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose!

You're udderly fantastic!

You’re udderly fantastic!

What kind of milk do secret agents drink_ Undercover milk

What kind of milk do secret agents drink? Undercover milk.

Let's milk this day for all it's worth!

Let’s milk this day for all it’s worth!

Why did the cow start a fight_ Because someone was trying to milk it

Why did the cow start a fight? Because someone was trying to milk it.

Don't cry over spilt milk—it could have been beer

Don’t cry over spilt milk—it could have been beer.

What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument_ A moo-sician

What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument? A moo-sician.

Dairy you to try this!

Dairy you to try this!

Why did the cow go to space_ To visit the Milky Way

Why did the cow go to space? To visit the Milky Way.

Hope your day is legen-dairy!

Hope your day is legen-dairy!

What's a cow’s favorite type of music_ Moo-sic!

What’s a cow’s favorite type of music? Moo-sic!

What do you call a cow who can't produce milk_ An udder failure

What do you call a cow who can’t produce milk? An udder failure.

How do cows do math_ With a cow-culator

How do cows do math? With a cow-culator.

What's a cow's favorite newspaper_ The Daily Moos

What’s a cow’s favorite newspaper? The Daily Moos.

Why do cows go to New York_ To see the moosicals!

Why do cows go to New York? To see the moosicals!

Cows are outstanding in their field, but it's pasture bedtime

Cows are outstanding in their field, but it’s pasture bedtime.

What did the mama cow say to the baby cow_ It’s pasture bedtime

What did the mama cow say to the baby cow? It’s pasture bedtime.

Moo-ve over, butter—it's time for the cream to rise

Moo-ve over, butter—it’s time for the cream to rise.

What do you get when you cross an angry sheep and a moody cow_ An animal that's in a baaaaad moooooood

What do you get when you cross an angry sheep and a moody cow? An animal that’s in a baaaaad moooooood.

Just dairy-ing to be different

Just dairy-ing to be different.

What do you call a sleeping bull_ A bulldozer

What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.

I've got to dairy you to do that!

I’ve got to dairy you to do that!

What happens when you talk to a cow_ It goes in one ear and out the udder

What happens when you talk to a cow? It goes in one ear and out the udder.

It's all about that dairy air.

It’s all about that dairy air.

Why do cows wear bells_ Because their horns don’t work

Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work.

I'm not just blowing smoke, that's just steam from my hot milk

I’m not just blowing smoke, that’s just steam from my hot milk.

How does a cow get to the mooooon_ It flies through udder space

How does a cow get to the mooooon? It flies through udder space.

Let's raise the steaks—it's pasture time to shine!

Let’s raise the steaks—it’s pasture time to shine!

What do you call a cow who works for a gardener_ A lawn moo-er

What do you call a cow who works for a gardener? A lawn moo-er.

That's an udderly impressive feat!

That’s an udderly impressive feat!

Why did the cow jump over the moon_ The farmer had cold hands

Why did the cow jump over the moon? The farmer had cold hands.

Life is butter when we're together.

Life is butter when we’re together.

What do you call a cow that can cut the grass_ A lawn moo-er

What do you call a cow that can cut the grass? A lawn moo-er.

Why did the cow return from space_ He needed more space to roam

Why did the cow return from space? He needed more space to roam.

Why did the cow start a podcast_ To share the dairy news!

Why did the cow start a podcast? To share the dairy news!

Let's skim through these options.

Let’s skim through these options.

What did the cow say to the milk_ It's so nice to meet you!

What did the cow say to the milk? It’s so nice to meet you!

You're moo-tiful just the way you are.

You’re moo-tiful just the way you are.

Why don't cows have any money_ Because farmers milk them dry

Why don’t cows have any money? Because farmers milk them dry.

It’s a-moo-sing how good this milk is!

It’s a-moo-sing how good this milk is!

What do you call a cow spying on another cow_ A steak out

What do you call a cow spying on another cow? A steak out.

Don't be skimpy on the details.

Don’t be skimpy on the details.

What do you get when you cross an espresso and a cow_ Deja moo

What do you get when you cross an espresso and a cow? Deja moo.

Are you whey too excited about this

Are you whey too excited about this?

Why was the cow always lost_ It never knew where to turn on the moop

Why was the cow always lost? It never knew where to turn on the moop.

Milk it for all it's worth!

Milk it for all it’s worth!

What did one dairy cow say to the other_ Got milk

What did one dairy cow say to the other? Got milk?

Don't lactose your way now

Don’t lactose your way now.

Why do cows have bells_ Because their horns don't work

Why do cows have bells? Because their horns don’t work.

I'm absolutely frothing over this new idea!

I’m absolutely frothing over this new idea!

Why don't cows lie down in the water_ They prefer to milk their drinks

Why don’t cows lie down in the water? They prefer to milk their drinks.

Keep your friends close and your anemones closer, especially if you're a sea cow

Keep your friends close and your anemones closer, especially if you’re a sea cow.

What's a cow's favorite moovie_ The Sound of Moosic

What’s a cow’s favorite moovie? The Sound of Moosic.

You're the cream of the crop!

You’re the cream of the crop!

How does a farmer count a herd of cows_ With a Cowculator

How does a farmer count a herd of cows? With a Cowculator.

It’s a misteak to ignore dairy puns

It’s a misteak to ignore dairy puns.

Why are cows such good listeners_ Because they're all ears!

Why are cows such good listeners? Because they’re all ears!

Let's take a mooment to appreciate this

Let’s take a mooment to appreciate this.

What do cows read in the morning_ The moos-paper

What do cows read in the morning? The moos-paper.

We all need to de-calf-inate now and then.

We all need to de-calf-inate now and then.

What do you call a cow who can play the violin_ Moozart

What do you call a cow who can play the violin? Moozart.

Nothing wrong with being a little cheesy

Nothing wrong with being a little cheesy.

How do you make a cow float_ Two scoops of ice cream, some root beer, and a cow

How do you make a cow float? Two scoops of ice cream, some root beer, and a cow.

I'm just trying to churn out some good ideas

I’m just trying to churn out some good ideas.

Why do cows wear bells_ Because their horns don’t work

Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work.

Whey to go!

Whey to go!

What do you call an exploding cow_ A milk bomb

What do you call an exploding cow? A milk bomb.

It's no use crying over spilt milk—unless it's chocolate milk

It’s no use crying over spilt milk—unless it’s chocolate milk.

What do cows drink when they’re thirsty_ Moo-lkshakes

What do cows drink when they’re thirsty? Moo-lkshakes.

In a dairy situation, always keep calm and carry on.

In a dairy situation, always keep calm and carry on.

Why did the cow start an argument_ He was looking for beef

Why did the cow start an argument? He was looking for beef.

That's an udder disaster waiting to happen.

That’s an udder disaster waiting to happen.

What did the farmer say when he lost his cow_ It's udder chaos!

What did the farmer say when he lost his cow? It’s udder chaos!

You make me happier than a cow on pasture.

You make me happier than a cow on pasture.

What do you call a cow with no legs_ Ground beef

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

How dairy they say that!

How dairy they say that!

What do cows use to text each other_ Emoojis

What do cows use to text each other? Emoojis.

Let's not milk the joke too much

Let’s not milk the joke too much.

What do you call a cow who’s just given birth_ De-calf-inated

What do you call a cow who’s just given birth? De-calf-inated.

Moo-ving on up in the world, aren't we

Moo-ving on up in the world, aren’t we?

Why do cows wear shoes_ To protect their dairy-aires

Why do cows wear shoes? To protect their dairy-aires.

Let’s not make any more mis-steaks.

Let’s not make any more mis-steaks.

Why are cows so calm_ Because they never lose their moo-d

Why are cows so calm? Because they never lose their moo-d.

A little bird told me it’s pasteurized before you even see it

A little bird told me it’s pasteurized before you even see it.

What do you call it when one cow spies on another cow_ A steak out

What do you call it when one cow spies on another cow? A steak out.

That joke was dairy funny!

That joke was dairy funny!

What did the neurotic cow say to the psychiatrist_ I feel like I'm going in circles

What did the neurotic cow say to the psychiatrist? I feel like I’m going in circles.

Don't get creamed in this competition

Don’t get creamed in this competition.

Why do cows tell each other jokes_ To amoose themselves!

Why do cows tell each other jokes? To amoose themselves!

No use crying over skim milk

No use crying over skim milk.

Written by Gabriel Cruz - Foodie, Animal Lover, Slang & Language Enthusiast

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