- Why are atoms bad liars? Because they make up everything!
- What did the physicist snack on during her break? A ‘quantum’ of cheese.
- Why can’t you trust an atom? They make up literally everything.
- How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.
- What do you do with a sick chemist? If you can’t helium, and you can’t curium, you might as well barium.
- Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems.
- What’s a physicist’s favorite part of a baseball game? The wave function.
- What did the biologist wear to impress his date? Designer genes.
- Why did the geologist take his girlfriend to the quarry? He wanted to rock her world.
- Why don’t programmers like nature? It has too many bugs.
- What do you call an educated tube? A graduated cylinder.
- What did the fish say when it hit the wall? Dam.
- What do you call a wheel made of iron? A ferrous wheel.
- Why did the computer go to therapy? It had too many bytes of unresolved issues.
- What did one tectonic plate say when it bumped into another? Sorry, my fault!
- Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip? To get to the same side.
- How do you organize a space party? You planet.
- Why did the photon refuse to check his luggage? He was traveling light.
- What do you call a microbiologist who has visited every country? A man of culture.
- Why was the belt arrested? For holding up a pair of pants!
- What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
- What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of a computer? The space bar.
- Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
- What’s a dentist’s favorite astronomical event? A molar eclipse.
- Why did the algebra book look so sad? Because it had too many problems.
- How does NASA organize a party? They planet.
- Why don’t energy-efficient light bulbs make good comedians? They’re not bright enough.
- Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
- What do you call an acid with an attitude? A-mean-o acid.
- What did one quantum physicist say when he wanted to fight another? Let’s get relative.
- What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock? Look, no hands!
- What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator? A friend you can count on.
- Why did the sun go to school? To get a little brighter!
- Why are helium, curium, and barium the medical elements? Because if you can’t helium or curium, you barium!
- How did the chemist survive the famine? By subsisting on titrations.
- Why do biologists look forward to casual Fridays? They’re allowed to wear genes to work.
- Why was the math lecture so long? The professor went off on a tangent.
- Why did the robot go on a diet? It had too many bytes.
- What’s a physicist’s favorite food? Fission chips.
- What did the scientist say when he found two isotopes of helium? HeHe.
- Why did the programmer quit his job? He didn’t get arrays.
- What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics? “Oops!”
- Why did the scarecrow become a successful neurosurgeon? He was outstanding in his field.
- Why do chemists like nitrates so much? They’re cheaper than day rates.
- What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one molar solution.
- What did one cell say to his sister cell when she stepped on his toe? Mitosis!
- What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch? Fission chips.
- Why did the germ cross the microscope? To get to the other slide.
- What’s an electrician’s favorite ice cream flavor? Shock-o-lot.
- Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.
- Why did the algorithm get it wrong? It just wasn’t the right “parameter”.
- What do you call an enzyme that has broken its promise? A deceiver nucleases.
- Why are chemists perfect for writing about water? They have the best aqua-notes.
- Why did the computer get cold? It left its Windows open.
- What did the physicist say to the angry electron? “Don’t get excited!”
- What’s a scientist’s favorite board game? Trivial Pursuit.
- What did the statistician say when he was thrown in jail? “I’ll never get out; the odds are against me.”
- Why did the biologist stop using puns? He felt his students were becoming too cell-fish.
- How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce “unionized.”
- What did the particle say when it was questioned by the police? “I’m not charged with anything!”
- What’s a physicist’s favorite part of a school? The current events.
- Why did the capacitor kiss the diode? He just couldn’t resistor.
- Why did the programmer stay in the shower forever? Because the shampoo said “Lather, rinse, repeat.”
- What do you call a microbiologist who can play the piano? A Bach-teria.
- Why did the robot go to school? To improve his “skills.”
- What do you call a magician who lost his magic? Ian.
- Why did the oxygen go to the party alone? Because it’s a free radical.
- Why did the cat sit on the computer? To keep an eye on the mouse.
- How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb? None, that’s a hardware problem.
- What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver? SWAG.
- Why did the scientist go to the art exhibit? To find the perfect “medium.”
- What do you call a neurotic robot? A panic button.
- What did the biologist couple name their twins? Gene and Jean.
- Why did the proton refuse to date the electron? He wanted someone with a positive outlook.
- Why don’t some fish play piano? Because you can’t tuna fish!
- Why was the math book depressed? It had too many variables.
- What does a cloud wear under his raincoat? Thunderwear.
- Why did the cell get arrested? For celling drugs.
- What did the scientist say when he found two helium atoms? “HeHe!”
- Why did the mathematician break up with the number line? She found his behavior too linear.
- Why did the math problem go to therapy? It had too many factors.
- Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
- Why was the equal sign so humble? Because it wasn’t greater than or less than anyone else.
- Why did the neurologist feel blue? Too much gray matter.
- What did the fish say when it hit the concrete wall? “Dam!”
- Why do biologists look at their watches so frequently? They’re studying their “ticks.”
- How do you make a hormone? Don’t pay the ribosome.
- Why did the bacteria cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field, of course.
- What’s the most important thing to learn in chemistry? Never lick the spoon.
- How did the atoms call off their relationship? “I think we need some space,” said one, “You’re just too negative.”
- Why did the student wear glasses during math class? To improve di-vision.
- What’s a plant’s favorite drink? Root beer.
- Why did the programmer always mix up Halloween and Christmas? Because Oct 31 equals Dec 25.
- Why did the king go to the dentist? To get his teeth crowned.
- Why do biologists look forward to sequels? They want to see if the DNA continues.
- What did the left eye say to the right eye? “Between you and me, something smells.”
- What do you call an alligator in a vest? An in-vest-igator.
- Why did the electron sit in the corner? It had a negative outlook on life.
- Why did the DNA strand go to the party by itself? Because it wanted to replicate the fun.
100 Science Jokes: Laugh Your Way to Smarter Learning

Written by Gabriel Cruz - Foodie, Animal Lover, Slang & Language Enthusiast