Train Puns and Jokes

What do you give a train conductor for his birthday_ Platform shoes!

What do you give a train conductor for his birthday? Platform shoes!

I'm on the right track now!

I’m on the right track now!

Why don't trains ever get lost_ They always follow their tracks

Why don’t trains ever get lost? They always follow their tracks.

This train joke is just the ticket.

This train joke is just the ticket.

What's a train's favorite drink_ Choo Choo Chai!

What’s a train’s favorite drink? Choo Choo Chai!

I choo-choo-choose you!

I choo-choo-choose you!

Why did the train eat its tracks_ It was just trying to _choo

Why did the train eat its tracks? It was just trying to “choo.”

Train puns always keep me on track

Train puns always keep me on track.

How do trains hear_ Through the engineers

How do trains hear? Through the engineers.

This job has a lot of loco-motives.

This job has a lot of loco-motives.

What do you call a train that sneezes_ Achoo-choo train!

What do you call a train that sneezes? Achoo-choo train!

Let’s keep this train of thought

Let’s keep this train of thought.

Why did the book join the train_ It wanted to follow its storyline

Why did the book join the train? It wanted to follow its storyline.

I feel like I've been railroaded.

I feel like I’ve been railroaded.

What kind of train eats too much_ A chew-chew train

What do you get if you cross a train with a stick of gum? A chew-chew train.

Is this the fast track to success

Is this the fast track to success?

Why did the train car get promoted_ It had a lot of freight potential!

Why did the train car get promoted? It had a lot of freight potential!

Stay on the right side of the tracks

Stay on the right side of the tracks.

How do crazy train passengers travel_ They take the loco-motive

How do crazy train passengers travel? They take the loco-motive.

I’m all about that train life.

I’m all about that train life.

Why was the train always in trouble_ It had a bad track record

Why was the train always in trouble? It had a bad track record.

Don't worry, I conduct myself well

Don’t worry, I conduct myself well.

What kind of trains do ballet dancers ride_ Tutu trains

What kind of trains do ballet dancers ride? Tutu trains.

Time to express myself, no local stops!

Time to express myself, no local stops!

How do you find a missing train_ Follow its tracks

How do you find a missing train? Follow its tracks.

You keep me on track.

You keep me on track.

Why was the train so tired_ It had too many sleepers

Why was the train so tired? It had too many sleepers.

Let’s not go off the rails here.

Let’s not go off the rails here.

What did one train say to the other_ _I feel like we’re going off the rails!

What did one train say to the other? “I feel like we’re going off the rails!”

Keep calm and train on.

Keep calm and train on.

Why don't trains work out_ They hate to locomote

Why don’t trains work out? They hate to locomote.

I wheel-y love trains!

I wheel-y love trains!

What do trains wear to sleep_ Track pajamas

What do trains wear to sleep? Track pajamas.

Are we on the same track

Are we on the same track?

Why did the train apply for a job_ It wanted to get its career on track

Why did the train apply for a job? It wanted to get its career on track.

This is a one-track town.

This is a one-track town.

What did the mother train say to her child_ _Watch out or you'll get derailed

What did the mother train say to her child? “Watch out or you’ll get derailed.”

You auto-complete my train of thought.

You auto-complete my train of thought.

Why was the train invited to the party_ It brings a lot of cargo!

Why was the train invited to the party? It brings a lot of cargo!

I have a one-track mind when it comes to puns.

I have a one-track mind when it comes to puns.

Why don't trains use social media_ They lose track of time

Why don’t trains use social media? They lose track of time.

That’s loco-motive logic!

That’s loco-motive logic!

What happens when a train gets a cold_ It can't choo!

What happens when a train gets a cold? It can’t choo!

Don't let your dreams be derailed.

Don’t let your dreams be derailed.

What's a train's favorite instrument_ The trombone

What’s a train’s favorite instrument? The trombone.

Just rail with it.

Just rail with it.

Why did the train go to school_ To improve its _train-ing

Why did the train go to school? To improve its “train-ing.”

Never lose your train of thought.

Never lose your train of thought.

How do you stop a charging train_ Take away its credit card

How do you stop a charging train? Take away its credit card.

It's a platform for success.

It’s a platform for success.

What's a train's favorite philosophy_ _I think therefore I am track

What’s a train’s favorite philosophy? “I think therefore I am track.”

Train yourself to see the good

Train yourself to see the good.

Why don't ghost trains scare people_ They can see right through them

Why don’t ghost trains scare people? They can see right through them.

Feeling a freight overwhelmed.

Feeling a freight overwhelmed.

How do trains drink_ They chug

How do trains drink? They chug.

Track down your dreams

Track down your dreams.

Why are trains never lonely_ Because they always follow the conductor

Why are trains never lonely? Because they always follow the conductor.

Let’s keep this train rolling.

Let’s keep this train rolling.

Why was the train humming_ It couldn't remember the words!

Why was the train humming? It couldn’t remember the words!

Full steam ahead!

Full steam ahead!

What kind of train eats too much_ A chew-chew train

What kind of train eats too much? A chew-chew train.

This idea has wheels.

This idea has wheels.

What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum_ A chew-chew train

What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? A chew-chew train.

You’ve got a full car here.

Train puns? You’ve got a full car here.

Why do trains make great detectives_ They have a great track record

Why do trains make great detectives? They have a great track record.

This train has left the station!

This train has left the station!

Why did the train start a blog_ It wanted to express itself

Why did the train start a blog? It wanted to express itself.

Jumping on the bandwagon.

Jumping on the bandwagon.

Why was the electric train late_ It couldn’t find its conductor!

Why was the electric train late? It couldn’t find its conductor!

This train is a real sleeper.

This train is a real sleeper.

How do you save a train from drowning_ With track-to-track resuscitation

How do you save a train from drowning? With track-to-track resuscitation.

I've got a one-way ticket to fun.

I’ve got a one-way ticket to fun.

What does a train wear around its neck_ A collar engine

What does a train wear around its neck? A collar engine.

Get on the right track.

Get on the right track.

Why was the math book at the train station_ It was solving for X-press trains

Why was the math book at the train station? It was solving for X-press trains.

That’s just how I roll.

That’s just how I roll.

What did the old train say_ _I’m too old for this track

What did the old train say? “I’m too old for this track.”

Trains always know the way.

Trains always know the way.

How does a train eat_ It goes chew chew

How does a train eat? It goes chew chew.

Let's steer this conversation back on track.

Let’s steer this conversation back on track.

What's a train's favorite place to visit_ The stationery store

What’s a train’s favorite place to visit? The stationery store.

Try to derail me_ Good luck!

Try to derail me? Good luck!

Why did the train bring a pencil_ To drawbridge

Why did the train bring a pencil? To drawbridge.

I'm just a trainee.

I’m just a trainee.

Why did the train use the Internet_ To check its site-ings

Why did the train use the Internet? To check its site-ings.

Caught up in the locomotion.

Caught up in the locomotion.

What's a train's least favorite weather_ Rain, it rusts the tracks

What’s a train’s least favorite weather? Rain, it rusts the tracks.

This might be off-track, but

This might be off-track, but…

How do you comfort a train enthusiast_ _There, there, it’s just a phase

How do you comfort a train enthusiast? “There, there, it’s just a phase.”

On the right side of the tracks.

On the right side of the tracks.

Why did the train carry a bandage_ For its tracking wounds

Why did the train carry a bandage? For its tracking wounds.

It’s the end of the line for that idea.

It’s the end of the line for that idea.

Why do trains have a conductor_ Because their passengers have a lot of freight!

Why do trains have a conductor? Because their passengers have a lot of freight!

Don’t station yourself in negativity.

Don’t station yourself in negativity.

What do you call a train full of toffee_ A sticky situation!

What do you call a train full of toffee? A sticky situation!

Caboose is loose!

Caboose is loose!

How do trains stay informed_ They read the rail news

How do trains stay informed? They read the rail news.

Sometimes you just have to train hard.

Sometimes you just have to train hard.

Why did the train bring a ladder_ To get over a rough track

Why did the train bring a ladder? To get over a rough track.

Riding the rails to success.

Riding the rails to success.

Written by Gabriel Cruz - Foodie, Animal Lover, Slang & Language Enthusiast

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