Witch Puns and Jokes

Why did the witch stay in a hotel_ She heard it had great broom service!

Why did the witch stay in a hotel? She heard it had great broom service!

What do you call an illegally parked frog_ Toad, by a witch

What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad, by a witch.

What do you call a witch's garage_ A broom closet

What do you call a witch’s garage? A broom closet.

Witches are great at spelling—they never search for the wrong words

Witches are great at spelling—they never search for the wrong words.

Why don’t witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry_ They don’t want to fly off the handle!

Why don’t witches like to ride their brooms when they’re angry? They don’t want to fly off the handle!

You've got me under your spell—is it witchcraft or just magic

You’ve got me under your spell—is it witchcraft or just magic?

How do witches keep their hair in place while flying_ With scare spray

How do witches keep their hair in place while flying? With scare spray.

Let's not broom over the details

Let’s not broom over the details.

What happens to a witch with an itchy broomstick_ She hits the roof!

What happens to a witch with an itchy broomstick? She hits the roof!

I knew a witch who couldn’t spell. She could only stammer

I knew a witch who couldn’t spell. She could only stammer.

Why did the witch go to the therapist_ To spell out her problems

Why did the witch go to the therapist? To spell out her problems.

Be-witch you and me, I think magic is real

Be-witch you and me, I think magic is real.

What do you call two witches sharing an apartment_ Broommates

What do you call two witches sharing an apartment? Broommates.

That awkward moment when you're dressed as a witch and someone curses you out

That awkward moment when you’re dressed as a witch and someone curses you out.

How does a witch make scrambled eggs_ She holds the pan and cackles

How does a witch make scrambled eggs? She holds the pan and cackles.

I tried to organize a witch gathering, but they couldn’t find the thyme

I tried to organize a witch gathering, but they couldn’t find the thyme.

What's a witch's favorite subject in school_ Spelling!

What’s a witch’s favorite subject in school? Spelling!

Witches make terrible weather forecasters—they're always brewing up storms

Witches make terrible weather forecasters—they’re always brewing up storms.

Why did the witch wear a tiara_ To improve her “hex” appeal

Why did the witch wear a tiara? To improve her “hex” appeal.

I’m absolutely spell-bound by your charm

I’m absolutely spell-bound by your charm.

What do you call a witch’s funny story_ A cackle-tale

What do you call a witch’s funny story? A cackle-tale.

What do you call a witch who likes the beach_ A sand-witch

What do you call a witch who likes the beach? A sand-witch.

Why don't witches like snow_ It dampens their spirits

Why don’t witches like snow? It dampens their spirits.

How do witches write their spells_ With curse-ive

How do witches write their spells? With curse-ive.

What do witches use in their hair_ Scare-spray

What do witches use in their hair? Scare-spray.

That witch really swept me off my feet

That witch really swept me off my feet.

Why was the witch’s broom late_ It swept in

Why was the witch’s broom late? It swept in.

Do witches stay in hotels_ No, they prefer broom and board

Do witches stay in hotels? No, they prefer broom and board.

How do witches tell time_ With a witch-watch

How do witches tell the time? With a witch-watch.

What’s a witch’s favorite subject_ Spell-ing

What’s a witch’s favorite subject? Spell-ing.

What kind of makeup do witches wear_ Mas-scare-a

What kind of makeup do witches wear? Mas-scare-a.

Witches are great at baseball—they always pitch perfectly

Witches are great at baseball—they always pitch perfectly.

What do witches eat for breakfast_ Snap, cackle, and pop

What do witches eat for breakfast? Snap, cackle, and pop.

Why did the witch stay in school_ For better spell-ing

Why did the witch stay in school? For better spell-ing.

Why was the witch’s potion always accurate_ She had a spell-checker

Why was the witch’s potion always accurate? She had a spell-checker.

How do you compliment a witch_ Just say _witchful thinking!

How do you compliment a witch? Just say “witchful thinking!”

What do you get when you cross a witch with sand_ A sandwich!

What do you get when you cross a witch with sand? A sandwich!

Why do witches use brooms_ Because vacuum cleaners are too loud for sneaking up on people

Why do witches use brooms? Because vacuum cleaners are too loud for sneaking up on people.

How do you make a witch itch_ Take away her _w

How do you make a witch itch? Take away her “w.”

Don't worry, she's a witch—she can handle the brew-haha

Don’t worry, she’s a witch—she can handle the brew-haha.

Why did the witch apply for a job_ She wanted to improve her _spell_ing skills

Why did the witch apply for a job? She wanted to improve her “spell”ing skills.

When witches go on vacation, they pack their bag of tricks

When witches go on vacation, they pack their bag of tricks.

What’s a witch’s favorite drink_ Broom-temperature water

What’s a witch’s favorite drink? Broom-temperature water.

A witch’s favorite workout_ Broom yoga

A witch’s favorite workout? Broom yoga.

Why don't witches wear flat hats_ There’s no point in it

Why don’t witches wear flat hats? There’s no point in it.

Why did the witch start a gardening service_ She had a green thumb and a black hat

Why did the witch start a gardening service? She had a green thumb and a black hat.

Why do witches fly on brooms_ Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy!

Why do witches fly on brooms? Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy!

Why are witches good at tests_ Because they always find the trick answers

Why are witches good at tests? Because they always find the trick answers.

How do young witches learn_ They spell it out

How do young witches learn? They spell it out.

Witches are great musicians—they have perfect pitch

Witches are great musicians—they have perfect pitch.

Why did the witch turn her friend into a road_ She wanted to pave the way

Why did the witch turn her friend into a road? She wanted to pave the way.

What do you call a witch who lives in the ice_ A brrr-oom rider

What do you call a witch who lives in the ice? A brrr-oom rider.

What do you call a witch with a chicken_ A bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk

What do you call a witch with a chicken? A bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk.

When a witch lands, is it a broomstick landing

When a witch lands, is it a broomstick landing?

What do you call a witch who lives at the beach_ A sand-witch

What do you call a witch who lives at the beach? A sand-witch.

A witch’s favorite makeup_ Mas-scare-a

A witch’s favorite makeup? Mas-scare-a.

How do witches get good deals_ They hag-gle

How do witches get good deals? They hag-gle.

You're brewing up trouble—witch I like

You’re brewing up trouble—witch I like.

What do you call a witch who drives badly_ A road hag

What do you call a witch who drives badly? A road hag.

How do witches keep their hair in place while flying_ With scare spray (2)

How do witches keep their hair in place while flying? With scare spray.

How do you know if a witch has a cold_ She can’t stop coffin

How do you know if a witch has a cold? She can’t stop coffin.

Witches prefer fast food—they can’t wait for their cauldron to cook

Witches prefer fast food—they can’t wait for their cauldron to cook.

What do you get if you cross a witch with a million dollars_ A witch that’s richer

What do you get if you cross a witch with a million dollars? A witch that’s richer.

How do you make a witch stew_ Keep her waiting for the spell results

How do you make a witch stew? Keep her waiting for the spell results.

Why did the witch stay in bed_ She had a bad broom infection

Why did the witch stay in bed? She had a bad broom infection.

What's a witch's favorite kitchen tool_ The cauldron blender

What’s a witch’s favorite kitchen tool? The cauldron blender.

What kind of candy do witches love_ Broomsticks

What kind of candy do witches love? Broomsticks.

When witches race, it’s always a broom-broom car rally

When witches race, it’s always a broom-broom car rally.

How do you stop a witch from hexing you_ Change your spell number

How do you stop a witch from hexing you? Change your spell number.

How do witches tell the time_ With a witch-watch

How do witches tell time? With a witch-watch.

Why do witches carry umbrellas_ For when it reigns (reins) and pours

Why do witches carry umbrellas? For when it reigns (reins) and pours.

What’s a witch’s favorite band_ The Rolling Scones—for their hit, “Paint It Black Magic.”

What’s a witch’s favorite band? The Rolling Scones—for their hit, “Paint It Black Magic.”

How do witches lose weight_ They join a hex-ercise class

How do witches lose weight? They join a hex-ercise class.

Witch parking only. All others will be toad

Witch parking only. All others will be toad.

Why do witches never ride their brooms when angry_ They’re afraid of flying off the handle!

Why do witches never ride their brooms when angry? They’re afraid of flying off the handle!

If a witch won't wear a watch, how does she tell time_ With her witch-watch

If a witch won’t wear a watch, how does she tell time? With her witch-watch.

What do you call a witch's puppy_ A pet-culiar

What do you call a witch’s puppy? A pet-culiar.

What's a witch's favorite mode of transportation_ The spellway

What’s a witch’s favorite mode of transportation? The spellway.

What do you call a witch who likes the beach but is scared of the ocean_ A chicken sand-witch

What do you call a witch who likes the beach but is scared of the ocean? A chicken sand-witch.

What do you call a witch's garage_ A broom closet

What do you call a witch’s garage? A broom closet.

How does a witch style her hair_ With scare-spray

How does a witch style her hair? With scare-spray.

Why don't witches wear flat shoes_ No point in it

Why don’t witches wear flat shoes? No point in it.

What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire_ Frostbite or a blizzard wizard

What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite or a blizzard wizard.

Witches are great at tech support—they reboot their brooms

Witches are great at tech support—they reboot their brooms.

Why did the witch stay in school_ She needed to improve her spelling

Why did the witch stay in school? She needed to improve her spelling.

If you can't witch them, join them

If you can’t witch them, join them.

What do witches put on their bagels_ Scream cheese

What do witches put on their bagels? Scream cheese.

How do witches get in shape_ By exorcising

How do witches get in shape? By exorcising.

Why did the game warden arrest the witch_ She was poaching eggs under a full moon

Why did the game warden arrest the witch? She was poaching eggs under a full moon.

Do witches live in suburbs_ No, the outskirts—they like the fringe benefits

Do witches live in suburbs? No, the outskirts—they like the fringe benefits.

How does a witch keep her hair up while flying_ With scare pins

How does a witch keep her hair up while flying? With scare pins.

Why did the witch stay at the computer_ She was updating her spell check

Why did the witch stay at the computer? She was updating her spell check.

What do you call an angry witch_ A storm brewing

What do you call an angry witch? A storm brewing.

Witch way to the cauldron convention

Witch way to the cauldron convention?

Why do witches ride brooms_ Because nature abhors a vacuum

Why do witches ride brooms? Because nature abhors a vacuum.

Why do witches fly on brooms_ Vacuum cleaners get stuck at the power cords

Why do witches fly on brooms? Vacuum cleaners get stuck at the power cords.

What do you call a witch who goes to the desert_ A sandwitch

What do you call a witch who goes to the desert? A sandwitch.

How does a witch tell her fortune_ She reads her horror-scope

How does a witch tell her fortune? She reads her horror-scope.

Why don't angry witches ride their brooms_ They're afraid of flying off the handle

Why don’t angry witches ride their brooms? They’re afraid of flying off the handle.

That witch loves drama—she always stirs the pot

That witch loves drama—she always stirs the pot.

Written by Gabriel Cruz - Foodie, Animal Lover, Slang & Language Enthusiast

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